The Top 12 Qualities Men Want In A Woman To Marry
According to a relationship expert.
Getty In a society where commitment seems to be a thing of the past, what qualities do men look for in women they want to marry? If you have these 12 qualities, you may just be the one he's looking for.
The top 12 qualities men look for in a woman they want to marry:
1. She's family-oriented.
Before I get heat from people who say that not everyone is close to their family and that doesn’t make them a bad person or whatever, that goes without saying.
Let’s keep in mind that I speak from my own perspective as a relationship coach who has spoken to thousands of men and a woman who values both her and my family is important when considering a long-term future.
2. She's kindhearted.
I’m not quite sure how to explain this one. I feel like just the word "kindhearted" in itself gets the point across. A woman who is thoughtful, loving, caring. Who does small things for you for no other reason that she loves you (as you do for her).
A woman who, when she smiles at you, gives you no choice but to smile back. A woman who radiates warmth from her heart. That is a woman a man would want to marry.
3. She's intellectually challenging.
There is no denying that someone’s looks are what initially draws us to them. It’s difficult to spot a great personality from across the room. Many a fling was built on physical attraction alone, but how long can it last?
When conversations lack depth or intrigue, we often fill our time with physical activity together, but it is impossible to build a real connection or lasting relationship with someone on that alone. Being intellectually challenging and having the ability to hold real discussions about meaningful topics will always trump shallow beauty in the long run.
4. She's understanding and empathetic.
Being compassionate, supportive, and encouraging towards your partner is a huge part of building a successful relationship. Nobody wants a person who is a Debbie Downer all the time and will not support them in their endeavors or their times of need.
Life is full of challenges that any couple will face together, particularly a married couple. Sometimes men need a shoulder to cry on, too.
5. She's ambitious.
In addition to supporting and encouraging you pursuing your own goals and dreams, she will have her own as well. A mature woman has a vision for her future and chases after it with voracity. A mature woman will be someone you can take on the world with. A partner in crime, a teammate in your relationship, and in life.
6. She's consistent.
Being consistent is a valuable virtue because it lets your partner know that you really are who you are. You haven’t sent your “representative” to get to know them during the first couple of months of dating, but then suddenly transform once they’ve committed themselves to you.
To clarify the point, think of consistency as the opposite of volatility. If someone is unpredictable and volatile, it’s difficult to know how they will be acting towards you on a certain day, and that gets old no matter how aesthetically pleasing she is.
7. She's willing to put in the effort for you.
I'm all about giving in relationships. I believe seeing your significant other happy should also make you happy, but it is important to understand that it goes both ways.
Her putting in effort doesn’t have to be much. It can be something as simple as slipping the waiter her debit card to pay for dinner. It’s no secret that sometimes the romance wears off of longer term relationships, but you shouldn’t let it, and neither should she. If a woman continues to do what she knows attracted you in the first place, even after she got you a long time ago, it shows she cares about keeping you around.
Side note: Equally as important is to make sure both teammates always show the other their appreciation for this effort. Feeling taken for granted can easily lead to resentment and other negative results in a relationship.
8. She holds similar values as you.
This is often an extension of the family-oriented point because many times our value system comes from our upbringing — the things we find important (or not), the things we believe in strongly (or not), the way we treat others, and ourselves.
It doesn’t matter how attracted you are to someone or even how well you get along; if your values don’t align, you will always be clashing in the long-term.
9. She's physically attractive.
Sorry, but it has to be said. The good news is, every man is attracted to a different type of woman and has his own personal tastes. Meaning, I'm in no way suggesting a woman has to fit a certain image of "beauty" in order to be considered "wife material."
But, as is true for both men and women, there needs to be a physical attraction between two partners to kick off a relationship, which also plays an important part in holding it together.
10. She's friendly and sociable.
I know, at least for me, I enjoy being social and I love having my girlfriend by my side. So, naturally, we find ourselves together out at events or even just bumping into people at a restaurant or bar.
No man wants to be worried about the attitude his girlfriend or wife is going to give to the friend he is trying to introduce her to. He doesn’t want her to turn up her nose or be short with them. It is important that as his teammate in life, she is his teammate in all areas of life.
Of course, needless to say, he should possess the same qualities and extend the same courtesy to her friends, family, coworkers, and anyone else in her life he gets introduced to.
11. She has a sense of humor.
We know how important it is to women for the man in their life to have a generally good sense of humor, but I’d argue it’s equally as important in the other direction as well. Particularly if a man has a great sense of humor, it will be lost on a woman who is too dry or stiff. Furthermore, it could cause tension if he is often funny and joking, and she is always serious and becomes annoyed with his lighter personality.
It is important for a couple to be able to be playful and joke around with each other. It helps lighten the mood, makes extended periods of time together more fun, and laughing together never gets old.
12. She's loving and affectionate.
For me, affection is important. Holding hands, hugs, just being physically close together. It symbolizes a connection. It’s a warm, loving feeling, and I would have a hard time building a long-term relationship with a woman who shrugs off your arm when you put it around her or always feels "separate" from me.
Needless to say, every man likely has a different "checklist" for what he is looking for in the woman that he would consider potentially making his wife someday. But my instinct tells me one would be hard-pressed to find a guy who didn’t agree with the points listed here.
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and relationship coach. He is a go-to expert on CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.