I'm Christian, My Husband's Muslim. How We Make It Work.
Love is stronger than we can even fathom.
Courtesy of the author It's 2:19 in the morning and my husband begins his fast for Ramadan in half an hour. He went to bed about 10 minutes before me but always waits for me.
He's about to begin his fast in 28 minutes. But I'm not fasting.
I am a Christian and my husband is a Muslim and we have an interfaith marriage.
Why did I marry a Muslim man? It is not a question I thought I would be asking myself, let alone answering only nine months into my marriage. But here I am, doing just that, wondering how Christian vs. Muslim became part of my life.
Unfortunately, my answer isn't as straightforward as, "I couldn't find a good Christian man so I married a Muslim man." If only that was the case. In fact, I wish my husband were Christian. Because truth be told, all I ever wanted was a husband who loved God like I did, maybe even more.
I pictured us going to church together, praying together, and singing gospel songs together (even though I can't sing). But I let that picture fade away over the years.
Writing about this decision is something I have been itching to write about for years. But I have never been itching to share it. I have often kept quiet on this topic because I don't feel the need to have to explain my choices in life. So rather than explain this choice, I will try to tell my story.
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. The reason I am telling it now is that someone recently asked me if I was planning to convert to Islam for my husband and it caught me off-guard.
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Not because this was the first or second time I have heard such a question, but because it shocks me every time when people genuinely feel they have the right to ask such a question, especially people who don't even believe in God. In hindsight, I know people don't mean any harm but the next time someone asks, I'm going to tell them to piss off politely.
But for now, let me take you back to the start.
I have grown up as a Christian my entire life but I didn't start searching for God until I was 19 after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend and my self-worth was shattered.
On this search, I found that there was God and that I was a child of God. When I understood and comprehended that — more than that when I internalized that — I became courageous. Very courageous.
People who knew me prior (and still know me now) could probably attest to this. I stopped living to please people. I started to become honest with my feelings and myself. And in the vein of honesty, the true reason why I had wanted to marry a Christian guy was that it just sounded right. It sounded perfect. It looked "right."
People would look at us and think we have it all together. And that feeling of admiration from others? I wanted that. I needed that. I wanted to be the status quo, but when you follow God, there is no such thing as being the status quo.
When my husband came into my life, he knew God had a divine plan in my life, and he understood and wanted to help me on this journey.
Photo: Author
My husband and I met in college where, career-wise for me, things didn't go according to plan. To my dismay, he was there for me. After all, that's what's expected from a boyfriend, right?
During this time I really found it hard to talk to God, to even go to church. He called me one Friday to see how I was doing. When I asked about his day, he responded, "I called to see how you are, and if I could come to church with you. I didn't call to talk about me and my day."
In that split second, I realized he was special. It took one moment — one seemingly insignificant gesture — and I knew. After that, I let myself fall in love with him. My reservations about him being Muslim disappeared. I loved God and he respected that.
More than that, he loved that I loved God. For me, religion is more than going to church on a Friday and Sunday; I really want God to dwell in me and everything I do, and since being with him my faith has grown. And for that, I can only be thankful.
I didn't look for this love. I really didn't. I didn't even think I wanted this love, let alone deserved this love. But God knew I needed this love. I legitimately do not believe he would have wanted me to turn it away.
Love is very strong — stronger than we can even fathom. Love isn't something you have to look for; it will find you. You don't have to run to what you think love is because when it's genuinely meant for you, it will catch you and never turn you loose. This is what happened to me.
It still humbles me that this force that makes leaves and stars and rivers and you loves me. It's amazing. I am really blessed to have what I have and who I have in my life. I have worked hard to get here. When I say "here," I mean arriving in and to my happiness.
The day I walked down the aisle to greet my husband, I saw God. I swear I did. And I knew I couldn't turn back. I didn't want to turn back. I wanted to run as fast as I could to the front to be with my maker.
It is actually quite remarkable that the picture I once had in my head at the start still manifested in some shape.
Photo: Author
Having a love like ours is difficult. What I mean by this is that there are things that necessarily wouldn't need to be considered in a "same faith" marriage that has to be considered in an interfaith marriage. For example, when we used to go out to eat, we could really only eat in Halal restaurants.
I guess the other difficulty is the period of Ramadan, where he would fast a whole month. This is not just hard for him but for me as well, as he usually gets really grumpy when he doesn't eat.
Two years into our relationship, I started fasting for a week during the Ramadan month so he would feel that he wasn't alone in this. These are just some of the "difficulties" that we experience. I'm sure there will be more, like any other relationship.
I know it will be even more complicated when we have children. But I couldn't imagine doing life with anyone other than him and God. One day, far from now, when the sands of time threaten to fall no more, I will read my words and I will remember why I married a Muslim man.
Asklycee writes about stories about being a woman, being lost, being a wife, being a dreamer, being Nigerian, and about all the other many facets that constitute her being.