13 Signs Your Love Is Fleeting (And It's Time To Make A Decision)
How to know if it's time for you to go.
Gorodenkoff | Shutterstock Do you know that sagging, awful feeling in the pit of your gut that things “aren’t quite right” with your relationship?
It usually is accompanied by anxiety, uncertainty, and maybe even occasional indigestion.
What's really going on? Is it time to walk away, or can things be fixed?
Here are 13 signs that your love is fleeting — and it's time to make a decision:
1. You can't (or won't) communicate anymore
Or your conversations have been limited to boring exchanges about mundane topics. Even spirited arguments have given way too.
2. Spending time together is no longer a top priority
Time for each other feels like it's become an afterthought.
3. One (or both) of you have gotten a 'work friend' who knows more about your relationship than they should
This doesn’t automatically mean that you or they are cheating, but the transfer of emotional intimacy from your partner to someone outside the relationship can be really bad for your bond.
4. Your sex life is stagnant
One or both of you is constantly too busy, too tired, or too “not in the mood” to hit the sheets.
5. You argue about the same things all the time
Ever had those conversations where you go around and around with your partner but things only get better for a little while or nothing ever changes? Me too.
6. Close friends and family members don't like where things are headed
Usually, our people have a pretty good idea of how things are going — even if we don’t share the nitty-gritty details.
7. You become suspicious of your partner
Whether they are cheating or not, the fear that they’re having an affair has started to plague your thoughts. Petty jealousy seems to crop up even though you've never felt jealous in the past.
8. It’s just not the same anymore
And it's pretty clear you both feel that way.
9. You don't think you (or they) care anymore
Now, whether this is true is not the real barometer. It’s the sense of not feeling cared for that is most telling.
10. You dream about what things used to be like
You know that feeling where you wish you could rewind things back to the way it used to be before you had the sinking pain deep in your gut?
11. You feel like you've done all you can do to save the relationship
Sometimes you’re trying too hard — other times it’s just that you’re the only one actually trying.
12. You’ve started thinking about what it's like without them
The internal “I know I can end this,” pep talk starts — so does your mental tally of how exactly to move your overstuffed sofa and who gets the dog.
You start considering whether you should “put up with this” any longer.
13. You've stopped (or avoided) talking about the future
“Concert next month? I don’t know … that’s a long way out.”
What to do about signs that the relationship is finished
So what are you supposed to do if this is happening in your relationship?
First, don't panic.
Obviously all of these signs that things are not well between you and your significant other. However, the things on this list do not mean that things are over or that your partner is walking out on you this afternoon.
Even if they are actively packing their bags, you must not succumb to fear. Assuming they are leaving you when they’ve pulled away is frankly a sure way to psyche yourself out and put your love straight into the toilet.
It’s still possible to repair things at this point, but it takes focus, strategy, and effort. Relationship insecurity panic (even when your relationship is really at risk) feels low value and desperate. It’ll just push them away even further.
Next, it’s important to consider what you really want. If you’re on the fence about whether or not you should break up with them or not, they can sense that.
If you want to be with them, you have to make your decision and stick with it.
Now, I’m not saying that you should ignore it if they treat you poorly — not at all. But I am saying that you need to get off the fence and make your own decision to stay or go.
You have zero control over anyone else. Your partner may or may not want things to change, but one person committing to changing their energy can usually turn things around.
Usually when your relationship is sinking like this, one or both of you have lost yourselves in it. The relationship has taken center stage in your life and has crowded out your OWN outside goals and passions.
That’s why it’s so difficult not to be hyper-focused on “how it’s going.” It’s all you’ve got going on.
That’s why you’ve got to go out and get excited about your life again. If you were never excited about your life to begin with, it’s a great time to start.
Elizabeth Stone is an author, dating coach, and personal development coach who helps women restore themselves in order to improve their relationships.