You Can Fix A Relationship Even When You're Sexually Incompatible

You and your honey have been deep in the ‘honeymoon’ phase of your relationship, giving rabbits a run for their money for some time (wink!).  But then, predictably, hot every day sex started to dwindle into every other day sex (or less). And then, sex only when you can make time for it.  

What happens to a relationship when your desire for each other dwindles? Is it normal to feel taken off guard by your lover's not-so-subtle hints about doing something a bit kinkier in the bedroom? What if your partner stops meeting your sexual needs entirely? Doesn't he know orgasms go both ways?  

We asked our Experts: How much does knowing your sexual compatibility matter at the start of a relationship?  

It turns out, people fail to even think about their sexual compatibility until there's already a problem. One of you feels angry or resentful that sex has become an afterthought. Or, because connection isn't happening outside the bedroom, things fizzle in the bedroom. 

Is there a "right time" to have that intimate, and often awkward, conversation about your common (or NOT) sexual desires? Should it happen before you date too long, before you get married, or only IF a problem eventually comes up?

In the video above, our host and YourTango SVP of Experts, Melanie Gorman assembled a panel of Experts to weigh in on this intriguing topic. Joining her are: best-selling author Dr. John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus), Sex Coach Lauren Brim, Relationship Coach Ravid Yosef, and Psychic Medium/Intuitive Coach Bee Herz.

The general consensus from our Experts is, of course, yes: Sexual compatibility is crucial to a successful long-term relationship. Few people really thrive in a loving relationship when their sexual needs, tastes and desires don't align.

BUT, even though we're inundated with sexual images in our culture, we are still a very sexually puritanical society. Often couples will discuss everything BUT sex when determining the potential longevity of their relationship. And that, our Experts say, IS a problem. 

So, let's dive in and get to the heart of that discussion:  

Ravid Yosef feels that "sexual compatibility really comes down to chemistry ... and that chemistry can be built ...’" She feels that early in a relationship, we shouldn't worry about sexual compatibility. Instead, we can build it through sharing, being authentic with each other, and showing concern for each other's needs and desires. Only after the relationship progresses in this way can we accurately assess whether our needs will ultimately be met in a mutually satisfactory way.

So, bottom line: If you're feeling sexually off kilter with your partner, you can fix the situation. Often all it takes is finding the courage to lovingly discuss what's wrong, talk to your partner about what you both need, and then find common ground. 

Our Experts can help:
Lauren's book The New Rules Of Sex is a wonderful guide and all of our Experts can be reached on their website for personalized help.  Ravid offers support for singles to help them find love without settling, Bee's psychic medium support can help you take a deeper look inside and John's website offers products to help with sexual enhancement as well as timeless advice on all things love and relationships. Reach out when you're ready to bring the honeymoon back to your love life.