You'd Rather Be Comfortable Than In Love (That's Why You're Lonely)

The best way to stay out of debt and avoid bankruptcy is to never spend more money than you have … but it’s easier to buy what you want, and just put it on a credit card now.

You could write a book, master a new language, or learn an instrument, with just a little bit of practice and daily effort … but motivating yourself to put in the work is way harder than binge-watching a whole season of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix.

You could have an incredible, passionate, connected, dynamic, committed, romantic relationship … but you’d rather play it safe and stay in your comfort zone than have the love you crave.

You’d rather use the excuse of being busy with work or taking care of the kids than make the extra effort to plan a romantic date.

You’d rather turn down your partner’s advances because you’re not in the mood than to entertain the idea of passion.

You’d rather wait for the other person to make the first move than risk looking the fool.

You’d rather watch a movie than come up with thoughtful questions that could inspire a meaningful conversation.

RELATED: What Happened When I Traded Passion For Comfort In My Marriage

You’d rather scream, walk away from a conversation, and slam the door behind you than listen compassionately, and show understanding and forgiveness.

You’d rather read 50 Shades of Gray than a book that could educate you on how to be a better partner.

In short, you’d rather be comfortable than in love!

Winners are those people who make a habit of doing the things losers are uncomfortable doing.
-Ed Foreman

If you want to win at the game of love – ok, not just the game of love, the World Series of love – you have to make yourself uncomfortable. You have to stretch. You have to constantly recommit yourself, educate yourself, improve yourself, dig deeper, give more, and practice practice practice.

Or as one of The Loveumentary’s past podcast guests said,

Marriage is a continual process. It’s a re-commitment to each other. That it requires continual forgiveness, continual self-growth and examination.
–Lara Ward

Allow yourself to be awkward: 

Whenever you’re venturing into new territory, or growing and stretching yourself, you will experience a learning curve… and that can be really awkward.

I remember how awkward I was when I went to my first co-ed dance when I was 14.

RELATED: 5 Things Women Stop Doing When They Get Comfortable — That Turn Their Guys OFF

I was terrified to even make eye contact with a girl, let alone ask a girl to dance!

I spent the majority of the dance either standing in a circle with my friends, bobbing my head – or if I got really courageous, I might bust out a few of the whitest dance moves you’ve ever seen.

As I attended more dances, it got less and less awkward to ask a girl to dance. It got to be a lot of fun! I began to anticipate when slow songs were going to come on, and I’d position myself next to a girl I had a crush on so I could ask her before any other guys.

I grew to love dancing so much that I took some ballroom classes, and even started looking for opportunities to dance on a regular basis.

Give yourself permission to be awkward and look stupid. You won’t be good at something new the first time you try it.

You’ll wobble on your bike and crash a few times before you get the hang of riding a two-wheeler. You’ll make some really ugly cupcakes and weird-tasting cookies before you can open your own bakery. You’ll write some really horrible blog posts before you become an author.

You might have some really funny and awkward experiences in the bedroom before you master sex with your partner.

You might feel like a complete idiot trying to change the way you listen and communicate. (The words “Wow, that sounds really tough, tell me more.” sometimes feel really weird coming out of my mouth … but they’ve helped me become a better listener.)

But the people who are willing to look stupid and feel uncomfortable are the ones who will experience the kind of love the rest of us only fantasize about.

So, what can you do today to make yourself uncomfortable? How can you embrace the awkward? What are you really committed to? Love, or something else?

RELATED: 11 Signs He's Not In Love — You're Just Convenient

Nate Bagley is a writer and entrepreneur obsessed with ridding the world of mediocre love. His work has been featured in GQ, Business Insider, Thrive Global, and more. You can follow his podcast by visiting the Growth Marriage website.