11 Tiny Ways To Be A Total Hedonist (Without Being Selfish)
You deserve to take care of you.
Maggieway, SHOTPRIME | Canva "A passion for pleasure is the secret of remaining young," said Oscar Wilde. Poor Oscar, though, who lived in unenlightened times and suffered for his pleasures. But if I didn't learn a thing or two from his highly quotable self about living a velvety, extravagant existence. Hedonism, which means the pursuit of pleasure and sensual self-indulgence as life's highest calling, gets a bad rap. But I say, if it does no harm, then call no foul.
Surely, you should aspire to be your greatest self, to be self-actualized. But come on! If this is our only shot at living, we must indulge a little bit. Am I wrong, darling? So reach for all the meaning you want, but here are my thoughts on how to sprinkle some easy sensual pleasures into your life. After all, as Charlie Chaplin said, "What do you want meaning for? Life is a desire, not a meaning." (P.S. Quoting dead people who want me to have fun is a pleasure of mine.)
Here are 11 ways to be a total hedonist, without being selfish:
1. Play hooky
Are you the always-present trooper who shows up for every meeting, never lets anyone down, shows up for work even sick? Call in sick already, and do something fun on your day off.
2. Learn to say no
I know, I'm supposed to say "say yes" to everything, and that has its place. But god, there's too much to do, too many invitations, too much of everything. Relish the chance to turn down something you don't want to do.
3. Do something your entire family will say "What?" to
Sign up for a roller derby team. Sky-dive. Dirty dance. Yeah, Baby's not in the corner anymore.
Pexels / Tom Fisk
4. Make up a fake you
Break out a Swedish ski instructor persona at a bad meat market bar. Or take a solo road trip and pretend you're a moody French woman at a rest stop Hardee's. How you develop your character depends on whether you're a pantser or a plotter (i.e. you make it up as you go, or you like to come up with things ahead of time.) Either way is fine. Trust me, you'll love it and so will Mimi, your inner French feline.
5. Hire someone
Yeah, I was raised with a solid work ethic and the belief that "I can handle this stuff. All this stuff." But holy cow, I hate housekeeping. I still do a lot of it, but now and again, I hire a service to get in there deep. (Into my mess, I mean.) Believe me when I say I'll gladly sacrifice a daily latte in favor of a professionally cleaned apartment.
6. Put on costumes
Don't save these for Halloween. Who wants to walk through their entire time on earth blending in? Buy the dramatic black hat and wear it to Target, unabashedly. Put on a wig to dine at a posh place. Rent a latex dress up the ante on your attitude, and see if you can't fake your way through a wedding at the Plaza. Or just wear it to ride the subway; you'll find your people.
Help yourself, but harm no one. I like to talk a big, bad woman game, but the truth is I'm a super-softy. Sometimes, just loving everybody feels so good (especially when you expect nothing in return). Sometimes, just giving in to the quiet I crave is the key. It might not sound all that lick-your-chops luscious, but I think these things are very important and very quietly hedonic in a world that asks us always to live our pleasures out loud.
7. Give some money away
It sounds more saintly than sinful, but there's a charge of pleasure that comes from being able to take a crisp bill from your wallet and give it to someone in need. When you do it, don't question a panhandler's motives. Just trust. It's an indulgence that feels nice all around.
8. Treat someone you love
Buy lunch for a young colleague who tells you funny stories. Or spring a no-reason, feel-no-guilt gift on a friend you like. If money's an issue, just tell someone who needs it something nice. I still remember a woman who told me, "You're going to be a big deal in your life. I just get this feeling about you," and said she'd always wanted to tell me. Later on, I passed the same compliment to a young colleague who'd been laid off. When she got her new job, it was fabulous and she reached out in gratitude. As I told her, I was just telling the truth.
9. Read
Oh sure, this sounds like a personal betterment thing. But with everything going on everywhere in the world, when I take time out to sit with a book, I feel positively decadent. If you're someone who says you just don't have time for it, please sit down with a novel soon. It might just change your life.
Pexels / Kübra Kuzu
10. Go somewhere, all alone
Like, alone. Ditch your phone at home. Feel that delicious freedom of being a part of the world without alerting the online world where you are. Buy yourself lunch. See a movie. Splurge at an adult toy store. Sit under a tree and just gaze at the sky. Stop feeling weird to be unencumbered. You're lovely on your own, and knowing that is a true pleasure.
11. Let yourself let go
The truth is, that pleasures — even simple ones — are deeply personal. But the worst thing we do to ourselves is say that we should feel guilty for any of them. So what if you like wandering around shopping malls, or enjoying The Bachelor? Stop beating yourself up for things you do. And stop beating yourself up for things you don't do. There are things you told yourself you'd do that just don't suit you anymore, or maybe aren't as important to you as they once were: Books you can't finish, even if you think you should. Skills that your mom and her mom had that you just don't care enough about.
We're all a little tired, a little lonely, a little lost, a little hurt. Or sometimes, a lot of those things. Yet, we're still always pushing ourselves to do more, be more, feel less, find someone, answer something. A little hedonism would be good for us all. Please, if I could give you any advice to quote me on, it's this: "Enjoy the immense pleasure in saying, 'screw it.'" I wanted to chastise myself for this not being very Wilde-an, but I'm choosing to believe he'd like it because it's true.
B.A. Marvell is a contributor to YourTango who writes on love and relationships.