Having A Threesome Destroyed Our Relationship (But I'd Do It Again)
I made a huge mistake and let an amazing guy go.
fizkes / Shutterstock I had always wanted to try a three-way. It looked so exhilarating in porn flicks and on TV. It all seemed so glamorous.
I was playing Scrabble with some friends in a cramped studio apartment in Brooklyn when my latest fling texted me asking me to meet up. While I felt conflicted about leaving this clearly riveting game, I knew my Friday night wasn't getting any younger.
So I took to Union Square, where I met up with my guy, Mark*, and he introduced me to his high school friend, Evan*. Evan had just gotten back from Israel where he had been serving in the Israeli Defense Forces. He was extremely good-looking, with an equally hot charm and Israeli accent to match.
I didn't realize Evan was staying in Mark's apartment that night until he came back with us on the subway. I was nervous about Mark and I being alone since Mark lived in a studio apartment (I clearly need to make friends with people who have more than one room in their house).
When we got back, Mark blew up an air mattress for Evan, and Mark and I got into bed. We were trying to have sex as quietly as possible but when you're fewer than five feet away from someone else, it's hard.
Eventually, we heard Evan snickering at us so we stopped and sighed. After three minutes of awkward silence, Evan came up to us and proposed a three-way. And my eyes widened.
The idea hadn't crossed my mind in a while, but I was extremely excited to finally fulfill a longtime fantasy. Mark had casually mentioned an interest in passing but we never made a threesome a priority. Plus, Mark and I weren't exclusive, so there was no risk of anyone getting hurt.
We both agreed, and it began. I felt these men all over me. Touching me, running their tongues up and down my body. It was nice to get the kind of attention from two guys at once. Really nice.
Mark had always been shy in bed. He was never very good at communicating what he wanted and when he climaxed there was always radio silence. But he was as cute as a button and had a body like the Terminator.
Evan was different. He was skinnier, covered in tattoos, and had much more confidence than Mark. He did seem like quite the player, though. While we were walking to the subway, he tried out some lines on a couple of young blondes, who giggled and squealed at his accent before walking away.
But it didn't faze me at this moment. At another moment, however, I began to see their differences quite clearly.
Evan had undoubtedly done this before. He knew exactly how to touch me while avoiding touching another man, and he was slowly edging Mark out. I could see what was happening, but Mark didn't seem to mind that much. He just kind of laid there while Evan and I went at it right next to him.
I figured since we weren’t exclusive — and since Evan was his friend — his feelings weren't hurt. But little did I know, Mark was feeling more than I thought.
At around 5 AM, we finished. Evan retreated to the air mattress and I stayed with Mark in the bed. We all woke up only three hours later when Evan left.
"So that was an interesting night, huh?" I asked Mark.
"Yeah, definitely," he replied passive-aggressively.
I picked up on his attitude, but I shrugged it off quickly and got up to take a desperately needed shower.
"Can I talk to you about something?" he asked.
I stopped in my tracks and turned around to have "the talk." We spoke for two hours about how much he cared about me and wanted to be with me. My jaw dropped — I thought he was so out of my league, I had never even considered starting a relationship with him.
But he told me that because of my complete disregard for his feelings when he got kicked out of the threesome, he didn't think he could be with "someone that cold." I felt numb. I had never hurt someone like this before.
This was so not me, and I wanted desperately to erase it. I felt humiliated and dirty. I apologized profusely but he still couldn't look me in the eye. Once we had gone around and around in circles, beating the dead horse beyond recognition, I got up slowly and left.
I had wanted to have a three-way and it was a very eye-opening experience for me, but was it worth ruining what could have been a great relationship?
I'd be open to doing it again — the right way. But I'd need to find two people who would be willing to share this experience with me and embrace it. A three-way should enhance your relationship, not drill a hole through it and leave it for dead.
But there's one thing I know for certain: I've become way more conscious about the things I do and the people who might be affected by them. I hope you are, too.
*Names have been changed
Jackie Eisenberg has a bachelor's in journalism and is a writer for YourTango.