10 Ways “Be Like Bill” Makes You Look Like A TOTAL Jerk

The "Be Like Bill" stick figure memes went bananas on Facebook last weekend, probably because half the damn country was snowed in by a winter storm and had nothing better to do with themselves. 

Regardless of the reason, this meme sucks. Not just because they appear in your Facebook timeline over and over and over again until you want to die, but also because lots of them are judgey or passive aggressive and rude. 

Here are a few examples of the crappy things you're saying to your friends when you share these: 

1. "I think I'm smarter than everyone else."

Example: "Bill doesn't search for quotes by famous people on Google and then share them on Facebook. Bill knows that's stupid. Bill is smart. Be like Bill."

Reality: Sometimes famous people say great and inspiring things. Don't be a dick and ruin everyone's fun. You're not better or smarter because you don't enjoy catchy quotes.

2. "I'm very humble, and the rest of you are shallow show-offs."

Example: "Bill has an iPhone 6S Plus. Bill won't take selfies in front of every mirror in the house to show off. Bill is humble."

Reality: If you feel the need to tell people you're humble, you probably aren't... 

3. "I'm a better person than you are because I don't stand up for what's right."

Example: "Bill is on Facebook. Bill sees something that offends him. Bill moves on. Bill is smart."

Reality: While nobody has the energy to fight against injustice at all times, standing up against offensive language or behavior is a good thing. You're not superior just because you're able to ignore someone else's bigotry.

4. "I think you're stupid for wanting to help people online."

Example: "Bill sees a post asking for likes to cure somebody's disease. Bill keeps scrolling and doesn't contribute to the speard [sic] that stupid post. Bill is smart."

Reality: People want be part of something good. If clicking "like" on a post about a rare disease makes them feel good, how is that a bad thing? And hey, maybe it raises awareness. None of that is bad. Stop being Debbie Downer and let people feel good for a moment.

5. "People who like sports are stupid."

Example: "Bill likes football. Bill doesn't argue who's better between Ronaldo and Messi. Bill is smart."

Reality: Bill, you may not argue about which footballer is better, but you just shared a meme saying you're better than everyone else. So. 

6. "I'm basically a total elitist snob who hates fun."

Example: "Bill doesn't say happy birthday to friends by commenting: "hpbd". Bill knows that doesn't make sense. Bill is smart."

Reality: If people know what "hpbd" means, then it actually DOES make sense. Take a break, you're not the grammar police. Unless you're someone's boss or teacher, you don't need an opinion about how they communicate. 

7. "I'm hot enough to not need an Instagram filter. Sorry that you're not."

Example: Bill uses Facebook. Bill chooses a photo that looks exactly like him to make profile picture. Bill doesn't photoshop it. Bill is smart."

Reality: Before there was photoshop or Insta filters, there was good lighting and make-up. Wanting to look good in a photo isn't new, and not everyone is as naturally perfect as you, Bill. Let us have our filters and mind your own business. Thanks.

8. "Playing Candy Crush makes you a loser who has no friends. Thank God I'm not like you."

Example: Bill does not play Candy Crush. Bill has his own life. Bill is smart."

Reality: You can have a life and play Candy Crush. In fact, 93 MILLION PEOPLE (who all have lives) play Candy Crush on any given day. You're not special because you don't play it, you're just a special kind of jerk for thinking you're better than everyone else. Now, I need to go blast some jelly.

9. "Talking about your kid online is stupid. Nothing is amazing about parenting."

Example: "Bill has a child. Bill understands his child gets one year older on his birthday every year. Bill can believe it."

Reality: Being a parent is a total head-trip. As uncool as it sounds to say it, it is amazing to some of us how fast kids grow. Kids are young for such a short time, let us sit in the wonder of it all without raining all over our sweet little parade.

10. "I have no social filter and don't care who I hurt or piss off."

Example: "Bill says what he thinks and often speaks the truth. That's why he is disliked by some. Bill does not give a shit. Bill is smart." 

Reality: Telling the truth is great, sure. Telling the truth in the face of mainstream opposition, especially when you're standing up for injustice, is awesome. But some of your opinions are just downright mean. You're not better because you say them out loud. In fact, you're sorta worse.

Sometimes you should give a shit that you've hurt somebody.