The 5 Most Destructive Dating Mistakes Men Make That Chase Women Away
Because it's just not cute.
New Africa / Shutterstock When it comes to dating, there are certain behaviors that are healthy, and some that are bad. You may not even realize you're guilty of these bad habits, but it might be why you struggle with healthy relationships in the long term.
If you want to learn how to break these bad habits, you'll have to first understand what you might be doing.
Everyone, regardless of sex, background, or moral compass for that matter, has a few black smudges on his or her dating histories you’d rather not admit out loud. We’ve all done things that aren't indicative of the kind, gentled-hearted souls hiding underneath.
Maybe you’ve broken up with someone via email (it’s just so much easier that way) or dumped a mate suddenly because a hotter prospect came into play.
Hey, that doesn’t make you a bad person! Just human. But this one’s for the guys: If you’ve entered that magical time in your life when you feel ready enough to start searching for a long-term partner, there are certain bad dating behaviors you need to quit.
I’m not referring to the standard “clean up after yourself” or “don’t be a cheater” aphorisms. They’re a given. Some of the below bad habits are particularly crude improprieties, but some might not even realize they’re doing.
Here are 5 bad dating habits you might have that you need to stop to have a healthy relationship:
1. Giving crass nicknames
For anyone pushing thirty and up, you weren’t a generation that grew up on Candy Crush and selfies. So the first time you were given this handheld phone, it was just all-too-cool to come up with colorful nicknames for girls in your phonebook.
And at 20, sure, it’s forgivable; the world kind of expects you to be immature anyway. But at 30, it's simply not okay to have crass contact nicknames on your phone.
Be respectful of your potential partners.
2. Only communicating through text
The text-only guy used to be limited to either a special breed of lazy or someone juggling multiple women at once. But lately, even the good guys are falling into this trap.
I’m sure it won’t come as a shock that a 2014 Gallup Poll found that texting has become a dominant method of communication in Americans less than 50 years old.
But what’s scary? Scientists point out that habitual texting has a direct negative effect on your interpersonal social skills, and can limit your ability to interpret nonverbal cues, even as already fully “formed” adults. Yikes.
The truth is, not only do men and women communicate differently, but they also tend to bond differently. Men connect via activities, while women value conversation.
Thus, even if you don’t realize how detrimental it is that you don’t take the time to call and say hello, or suggest a brief Skype date so you can see her face — you’re missing out on making your relationship stronger.
So close out of Snapchat and forget the cute emojis, because if you want to connect on a deeper level, you’re going to have to pick up the phone.
3. Overusing the word 'crazy'
This word can be loosely defined in a number of ways, to mean severe neurological instability, or senseless and completely unreasonable. The problem lies in our culture becoming far too comfortable writing female behavior off as “crazy” for trivial reasons.
And because women loathe the accusation, using the word becomes an infallible tool to end an argument. Spinning the circumstances and making her doubt her own perception is cheap and psychologically abusive.
I have a friend whose ex-girlfriend once set his car on fire — so trust me, when a woman gets mildly upset because you showed up late with no call, that's not crazy, it's reasonable.
4. Correcting your partner constantly
Be it ego or a self-defense mechanism, the majority of the population believes themselves to be above average. Partner this disposition with an Ivy League education or merely a particularly high sense of self, and thus an elitist mentality is born.
And although you may laugh and cringe at the educational inefficiencies plaguing your country, it becomes a problem when you begin correcting your partner in casual conversation.
Yes, maybe while earnestly telling you a story she conjugated a verb incorrectly or misused a pop culture reference around your friends, but that doesn’t deem you the punctuation police commissioned to rectify the injustice.
The persistent or public correction will cause her to pull away and creates a “walking on eggshells” environment. Don’t be that guy. No one likes that guy.
5. Being a perfectionist
For perfectionists, love can become conditional on performance, and the smallest mistake can trigger a total shutdown. According to studies, the overt perfectionist is prone to being defensive, being critical of his or her mate, hiding mistakes, and having a fear of vulnerability.
Projecting your own standards on someone else sets up an attainable criterion, for which she will ultimately fail.
Amanda McCoy is an author who specializes in relationship problems. For more information on how she can help you, reach her here.