Not Everyone Can Love Unconditionally — 3 Reasons Why That's Actually A Good Thing
Should adults love one another unconditionally? One expert says no.
Lina Vanessa Merchán Jimenez | Canva We strive to be a better people every day. Well, maybe not every day, maybe each week or year.
We long for love, and we long for acceptance and approval, yet many times we find it difficult to show others the unconditional love and perfection we believe we need in order to succeed.
Not everyone is capable of unconditional love, and that's ok. In fact, there are plenty of experts in the world who don't believe unconditional love is meant for adults, it is something we give to the children in our care.
Regardless of whether you believe some adults can love partners and adult family members unconditionally, you should listen to these words:
If you can't love another adult unconditionally, that's OK. You are OK.
Three reasons it's totally OK to not be able to love another adult unconditionally
1. Humanity isn't designed for automatic unconditional love
If we automatically loved unconditionally, the benefit of our own humanity would be docile, unassuming, and compliant. We couldn’t appreciate the rewards of our own personal growth.
Don’t get me wrong. Our world could benefit from a little more unconditional love, but love takes many forms.
2. Questing to give unconditional love to adults requires perfection
We believe we have to be perfect, in almost every way, in order to give and receive love. We believe we have to love unconditionally and flawlessly in order to feel whole. Perfection is overrated.
I grew up believing everything and everyone had to be perfect in order to gain love, to gain respect, and to gain advancement in a world filled with busyness and high expectations. Trying to be perfect, or attempting to love everyone unconditionally, left no room for my curiosity.
It left no room for mistakes, self-awareness, or healthy boundaries. It certainly left little to no room for my own, personal journey. Perfection takes a lot of energy.
2. Demanding unconditional love leaves no room to learn life's lessons
Judgment arises when we attempt perfection in everything we do, and it's seldom kind. It transports our critical voice and greets us with sabotage, competition, and frustration. With judgment we address each other with a perceived notion of right versus wrong, and our best intents may result in confusion and disrespect.
Judgment surrounds the heart with illogical ideas and fills our heads with false hope and pretense. Coupled with our need for perfection, judgment surpasses our voice of reason to hinder our ability to learn life’s lessons. It is difficult to feel compassion, much less unconditional love, when judgment arises.
In a world filled with violence and chaos, our beliefs are challenged, our thoughts are ramped and our hearts are blocked. Life is meant to be a series of lessons, not perfections.
3. Appreciating people's imperfections is superior to unconditional love
Life’s events shape our very soul and point us towards a direction of sweetness, self-awareness, as well as acceptance of others.
In her seminar, Clearing The Seven Windows To The Soul, Miss Anodea Judith awakens us to the idea that perfection leads us away from unconditional love. In her series, Miss Judith asks us to take a moment to think of someone we love.
With them in mind, think about a few simple questions: Do you love them because they are perfect? Or because they are powerful, strong and accomplished? Do you love them because you know them? Because you know their vulnerabilities, their pain, sorrow, and fears? Because you know their strengths and gifts?
As you search for answers to these questions, understand how unconditional love and perfection don't go hand in hand.
Miss Judith goes on to say, "If everyone were perfect, there would be no need for love. Perfection is what we do in order to earn love, but in fact, perfection keeps love away."
Appreciating imperfections opens our eyes to areas that require improvement. With self-improvement, you draw closer to loving yourself unconditionally.
How to love yourself unconditionally
With unconditional love and acceptance of yourself, you see how each of us is human and each of us has a story. Here, your life’s events can be perceived in a more loving and positive direction.
Love begins within yourself. As you learn to value yourself for who you are in this moment, without a need for perfection, life begins to change. Your dreams change and your thoughts mold and allow love to become something more than a word or false feeling.
When defined as respect, acceptance, forgiveness, and appreciation, love softens our heart for deeper meaning. From within us, life resumes in a new fashion. We begin to realize it is OK if you can't love unconditionally, even though unconditional love is ultimately our deepest dream.
There will always be things we dislike. There will always be room for improvement, and there will always be people we find do not fit into our lives. Yet, you can still learn to appreciate these things for what they are.
Not everyone is capable of unconditional love, and that’s OK. So, ask yourself what you might do today if you did not have to do it perfectly.
Still unsure of what unconditional love is? Watch the video below for how to recognize it in relationships and in life.
Susan Dykes is a spiritual coach who embraces all the love a heart can endure. She teaches the processes of finding the love of your life, the very heart of your soul.