4 Specific Signs It's Time To End Things With Someone 'Nice,' According To Psychology
Time to start the moving on process sooner than later.
PeopleImages | Canva Ever wanted to break up with someone for a long time and never had the guts to do it? Well, that was me one month ago. Except it wasn’t my boyfriend I was trying to end a relationship with, it was my job.
When I finally left my job, I felt liberated. I felt strong and confident that I had made such a brave decision for myself. It was like I was standing up for myself and shouting to the world, “I will not tolerate this mistreatment anymore! I will not settle for less than I deserve!”
Then it got me thinking of all the times I was in bad relationships and was afraid to leave. Is there a method for how to know when to break up? How do you know when it is time to throw in the towel and move on to some other bigger and better thing that’s in the unknown future? And how do you find the confidence to do it? Whether you are walking away from a job or a relationship, here are some key signs you should break up.
Here are 4 specific signs it's time to end things with someone 'nice,' according to psychology:
1. Your values don’t match
If you’re the girl who values your time with family and your guy doesn’t seem to care about your sister’s upcoming wedding, you have a problem. If you feel like what is truly important to you is being compromised regularly with little return, it is a good decision to walk away from your investment.
No relationship is ever perfect, but you should never be sacrificing what you believe to be too much and too often while getting little in return. Shared values, as research confirms, can make or break a relationship.
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2. You're sticking around because things were once awesome
Don’t linger in your past. If things were once great for you, that’s fantastic. Cherishing those memories is fine, but if the happy thoughts are all about things that happened months or years ago, you have a serious problem!
You should never stick around thinking, “It was once wonderful,” if it is just awful now. People change, and relationships change. The first four years of my career were amazing, but the last year wasn’t. If I stuck around, I would still be miserable!
3. You suddenly don’t feel confident
It’s hard to recognize abuse when it is happening — and it’s especially hard for some to admit they are in an unhealthy relationship. But if you find yourself less confident and feel not so great about yourself compared to the way you felt about yourself before the relationship, then pack that suitcase and run!
Seriously. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship that makes you feel less than. According to Domestic Violence statistics, 1 in 4 women, and 1 in 9 men will experience intimate partner violence in their lifetimes.
4. You're sticking around for the image or because you don’t want to look like you failed
Keeping a job that made me feel terrible because I was afraid of a gap on my resume is the same as sticking around in a relationship because you're afraid of what other people will think when you call it quits. Married? Living Together? Have a cute dog named Rufus that you don’t want a public and messy custody battle over? If you are unhappy, it does not matter what anyone else thinks and it doesn’t matter if your financial security is compromised!
You need to live your life in a way that makes you proud and makes you happy. Money doesn’t buy happiness. And who cares if you're out of the dating pool for a while or without a partner for a short time? Your values are more important than what’s on your resume, even your dating resume. Research from The Journal of Happiness Studies consistently shows us it's better to be alone than in an unhappy relationship.
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If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong. If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Lauren Cioffi is the creator, and Founder of What is Perfection, the blog for helping women find happiness and confidence. She writes about what matters most to women, teaching them how to love themselves every day.