6 Little Ways Rock-Solid Couples Show Their Love (That Others Don't)
How can you show each other love more often?
Monkey Business Images | Canva "Love, honor and cherish" ... it's the phrase every couple hears at their wedding. But what does it even mean? The song "Cherish" by Terry Kirkman (recorded by The Association in 1966) says, "Cherish is the word I use to describe all the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside." When we cherish someone (in particular, our spouse), we recognize that person's value and we hold her or him in high regard. It also means we protect and care for that person lovingly; we adore, hold dear, love, and dote on that special someone. We look up to, feel in awe of, admire, respect, and honor that person we said "I do" to.
But, let me ask you — Do you cherish the spouse you chose to spend your life with? Cherishing your husband or wife goes way beyond just saying "I love you." As the roots of love grow and deepen and intertwine in your marriage, the two of you should find yourselves cherishing one another more and more (not less). So, if you're falling short in the "cherishing" department, here's how to add a little fond affection and tenderness to your relationship.
Here are 6 ways rock-solid couples show their love:
1. They greet their spouse's thoughts, feelings, and opinions with a curious, open mind
You can cherish your spouse by taking an interest in his or her thoughts and opinions about things (even if you think you disagree). Gentlemen, show that you admire and respect your wife by really listening and paying attention to what she thinks. Or, ladies, ask your husband his opinion and then actually take it to heart. Remember: No one likes feeling put down or having their thoughts and opinions discounted when attempting to share them.
2. They sprinkle their marriage with thoughtful gestures
Doing thoughtful, considerate, special things for your spouse throughout your day (week, month, lifetime together) shows how important she or he is to you. What might some of those little acts of kindness be? Consider these ideas:
- Instead of waiting for your spouse to make the coffee in the morning, get up and brew it for both of you
- Ask if your husband might want a snack if you're fixing one for yourself
- Take the car in, get gas, and check the tire pressure and the oil without being asked
- Let your spouse sleep in while you take care of the kids or fix breakfast and then maybe serve her breakfast in bed
I am sure you can think of any number of things that you can do to make your honey feel truly cherished.
3. They hold their spouse up during difficult times
Often, during a rough day (when struggling with children, a friend, a family member, or our job), we feel lighter when someone comes alongside us and says, "I'm here for you." Feeling buoyed by your spouse uplifts your spirits (and strengthens your relationship) during challenging times. It feels great to know that your spouse reveres you and willingly shows up for you, even if he or she doesn't fully agree with your thoughts or feelings about the situation. Everyone needs a soft place to fall and a shoulder to lean on from time to time. Be both for your spouse.
4. They put their partner first
Unfortunately, most of us think about ourselves before we think about others. But a truly good marriage requires us to put aside our selfishness and generously give to one another. If you love and cherish your partner, show it by not insisting on having your own way about everything. Ask questions to find out what your spouse wants to do or where he or she wants to go. Sacrifice what you like from time to time and enthusiastically do what your spouse likes to do. Recognize that you're not always right and your way is not always the best way to do things. Lovingly give your spouse a turn — this shows how much you value and treasure the partner by your side.
5. They speak uplifting words
In the song "Cherish", the lyrics express, "You don't know how many times I've wished that I had told you." Be in the business of telling one another how much you love and cherish each other. Words you might say to your spouse include:
- I love you
- I care about you and want to protect you
- You're the only one for me
- I am so glad I married you and that we're sharing our lives
- You are so beautiful and I want to grow old with you
- You are the best with our kids
- I just want others to see what a treasure you are
Don’t hold back expressing words that are uplifting to your spouse. You don’t want to reach a place in your life where you wish you'd said to your spouse how much he or she means to you.
6. They recognize that "two are better than one"
"If one falls, his friend can help him up." This is from the book of Ecclesiastes 4:9a and 10a. When we get married, we choose to walk together and work together as we go through life. We long to share every aspect of life with our partners. Working together, helping each other, shows your devotion to your partner and your marriage ... that you won't let anything come between you. You're a team. You can face whatever life throws at you because you're doing it together. Cherishing your spouse is a vital part of growing and sustaining your love. It makes the difference between an okay relationship and a truly great, happily-ever-after, successful marriage.
Drs. Debbie and David McFadden are relationship and life coaches with master's degrees in education and social work. They specialize in helping struggling and distressed couples improve their relationships.