After 26 Years Together, He Still Doesn’t ‘get’ Me

Still together 26 years later and it was good. Looking back it was a happy marriage with many tangible and intangible reasons why they were still in love. Why was it though, that even in this comfortable partnership she sometimes felt that he didn’t know her, that he sometimes couldn’t see the person within?

They had lived their family motto with their children and it had provided a sound foundation for the people they were, as parents, as partners, as lovers; and for the people their children had become.

To this day, their adult children could recite the four principles of the family motto.

‘Be your best’ – try to be the best you, even on the days when it is difficult and the best you might not be so great. At least make an effort to be your best.

‘Do what’s right’ – wherever possible make sure that who you are and what you do is in the best interests of others. For yourself, for your family, for your friends, for your community.

‘Treat others as you would like to be treated’ – that was a biggie, particularly when tempers flared. So important in life and a big part of what Pope Francis is preaching in his message of compassion to the world.

‘Have your words and actions match’ – how easy it is to make verbal promises and then not match them with actions; for their family, the matching of words and actions became the definition of integrity.

All of these principles helped them raise their children and also played a huge role in the respect and compassion that she and her husband showed each other. Being best friends required them to respect each other for the people that they were. Showing compassion required them to be kind to each other, even when the other person was struggling and being unpredictable.

They had got over arguing about ‘the shoes at the back door’. Those stupid things that couples argue about and focus on that are never the real reason for the disagreement. They had learnt to simply keep their mouths shut, deciding that the latest irritation was just too small for words. It had been a long road of choosing to be together and choosing to have a loving and positive relationship, choosing to work on it together.

Part of her understood that she certainly wasn’t the woman he had married 26 years earlier, they had both changed so much over the years. But they had also changed together, grown together and through respect and compassion learned to accept each other. Yet there were those inexplicable times when he saw her in such a completely different way to who she really felt she was. Surely after 26 years he would have a better understanding of her and what makes her tick, what makes her high and what makes her low?

In these moments not only could he not see her, but he also couldn’t hear her. There were things that she said, he saw her lips move and his ears heard the words, but he just didn’t get. These were the times when their interactions went downhill; these were the times when reaching for the family motto became so difficult; when deliberately reaching for respect and compassion were nearly impossible. These were the times when hurtful words, that neither of them meant, crept out their mouths.

Some of the answers to why people see us the way that they do – even those who have slept beside us for 26 years! – are in our birth date. There is a number, called the projection SoleNumber, which is the impression you give others. This projection number could also be your mask, the face that you present to the world, to strangers and to those closest to you.

The projection number is calculated from your day of birth added to the last two number of your year of birth. For example someone born on September 24, 1967 would add 24 to 67 (day of birth + last two number of year). 2 plus 4 plus 6 plus 7, until you come down to a single digit, which in this case is a 1.

Projection number 1, the light impression is being independent and self-sufficient. The dark impression is pushing people away.

Projection number 2, the light impression is being seen as having the answers to most of life’s bigger questions. The dark impression is a person who forgets to love themselves.

Projection number 3, the light impression is being seen to be happy go lucky and positive. The dark impression is being seen to be a frivolous and superficial.

Projection number 4, the light impression is being seen as getting things done. The dark impression is being seen as too serious and a little boring.

Projection number 5, the light impression is being supportive to others. The dark impression is complaining about being unsupported.

Projection number 6, the light impression is being seen as a person who knows their purpose in life. The dark impression is being too intense and passionate.

Projection number 7, the light impression is being is seen as someone who is on a spiritual journey. The dark impression is a person who doesn’t trust people.

Projection number 8, the light impression is being is seen as a powerful and supercharged person. The dark impression is being overbearing.

Projection number 9, the light impression is being seen as a trusted advisor. The dark impression is telling people what to do rather than guiding them.

 The full understanding of the energy of numbers can be found in the book The Tao and SoleNumbers written by Dr. Debra Ford Msc.D.  The SoleNumbers body of work takes the energy of each number back to the original energy of creation, the energy of the Tao.  

Dr. Debra is a spiritual philosophy teacher with a doctorate in metaphysical science. All of her work, SolePath, SoleNumbers, SoleFaces and SoleHealing are based on the foundation of the Tao. She is an ordained minister and a member of the American Metaphysical Doctors Association and the Canadian Institute of Metaphysical Ministers.