The One Personality Trait You Need To Be Irresistibly Attractive — And How To Get It
Be the one that commands attention.
Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels When it comes to attraction, charm, and magnetism, attractive people have something about them that makes everyone like them without even trying.
How many times have you been at a party when someone enters the room and immediately commands everyone's attention? Have you ever thought, "I wish that was me"? As it turns out, it can be.
There's one personality trait you need to be irresistibly attractive.
What makes someone attractive and charming? It all comes down to charisma.
The good news is scientists have proven that charisma is a trainable trait. The game-changing step to becoming more magnetic is learning how to be present and live in the moment.
Think back to the last time you were in contact with a true charmer — you probably felt connected and special, like you were the only person that mattered at that moment. That’s because captivators understand the sheer power of being and living in the moment.
Photo: Dejan Dundjerski / Shutterstock
The human mind reads facial expressions in 200 milliseconds. This means that "fake" listening is impossible. As soon as your mind wanders, subtle subconscious facial movements and body language take place.
Whether your eyes gloss over or your effect has a split-second delay, the other person picks up on those indicators and knows that you’ve lost interest. You end up angering your friends, insulting your partner, or disrespecting your boss — all because you're trained by society to be partially present.
In a culture that encourages multitasking, it’s never been more difficult to pay attention. In fact, according to a 2,250-person study from Harvard University, we miss out on 50% of our lives by not being present.
The world can be your oyster when you learn the art of being present, to stay in the here and now. Whether you want to climb the corporate ladder or become the envy of a social gathering, tap into this powerful skill and you’re one step closer to getting what you want.
Your lack of presence affects your personal and professional life. It’s seen as rude and inauthentic, which basically means that nobody will trample over others to get to you, nor will they trust you.
No matter if you’re trying to win over a guy, half-listen to your partner's story about their day, or survive your boss’ rant about his personal life, you’re perceived as a fraud — and everyone’s subconscious knows it.
But the good news is that presence is a learned skill. All you need is practice and patience.
Here's how to stay in the moment to become more charismatic.
1. Breath Meditation
This exercise is easy, as all you have to do is breathe. Breathe and pay attention to how the air flows in and out of your body. Do that over and over until the time is up.
Start this practice for 30 seconds every day for the first week, and then increase by 2-minute intervals each week until you can sustain focused attention on your breath for 5-6 minutes.
Photo: Valeria Ushakova / Pexels
2. Chocolate Meditation
Place a foiled Hershey’s Kiss in the palm of your hand. Take a moment and look at this tiny piece of deliciousness. Next, slowly peel back the wrapper and pay close attention to the increased chocolate aroma spilling into the air.
Place it on your tongue and just let it sit. Notice the texture and taste. Slowly allow your mouth to move the chocolate around. Try and make it last for as long as you can. Your goal is to have this exercise last at least 5 minutes.
When your mind wanders, and it will, just gently bring your awareness back to the exercise.
How do you know if you’re fully engaged and present during a conversation?
- You feel what the speaker is describing: If they describe a moment of humiliation, you experience signs in your body that only gross embarrassment could illicit.
- You’re captivated: You’re so in the moment that you can experience what they are feeling inside their own body — relaxed, irritated, or maybe stressed.
- The story gets interesting: When the speaker feels your undivided attention, they will become more vulnerable.
When you notice that you've trailed off, simply take in a deep belly breath and tune back in.
Yes, it’s that simple to become more attractive. Start this week and retrain your brain to stay in the moment. Commit to 30 seconds a day for a week, and you’ll notice a difference. By the end of the second week, others will take note, too.
Pure attention is extremely rare these days. That means that you can take advantage of this little trick and reap the benefits from your discipline.
Jessica M. Miller is a relationship, personal development, and motivational coach. She's the author of "Back 2 Love" and "How to Start a Mental Health Private Practice."