How To Believe In Yourself & Stop The Self-Sabotaging Effects Of Negative Self-Talk
Stop the self-sabotage!
shutterstock Too often, we all have that little voice in our head that screams, "You can't! You don't know how! You'll make a fool of yourself! You'll fail! You're not smart enough! You're not pretty enough!" and so on and so forth.
The sad thing is that most of us listen to those self-sabotaging voices... and we believe it! How do you believe in yourself when you let your fear of failure and trust issues get in the way?
Unsurprisingly, the negative self-talk ends up holding you back — in your career, relationship, social life, and other areas important to your growth. It's as if learning how to believe in yourself is a distant dream, impossible to achieve when the voices in your head are so stuck on negativity.
Luckily, there are certain tips and tricks that are essential to believing in yourself and regaining your faith in your success.
For instance, when I started my own business, that self-sabotaging voice became very loud and obnoxious. It kept telling me, "You can't change careers this late in life. You'll never make it. You don't have what it takes. You need more training."
Suffice to say, I wasted a lot of time, money, and sleep listening to that little fear monster. But you can stop doubting and start having faith in yourself so you can have a happier life again.
1. Start noticing everything you're saying to yourself.
Too many times, you aren't even aware of the undermining thoughts you keep repeating. Start observing and taking note of what you're telling yourself.
You don't need to make yourself crazy by focusing on every thought. But when you feel that self-doubt creeping in, stop and ask, "What did I just imagine or tell myself?"
What you can do: Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses.
When you question the negative things you say to yourself, you recognize that you aren't lifting yourself up, essentially changing your mindset over a certain topic.
Rather than saying, "I'm terrible at this! I'll never improve!" ask, "What can I do to make myself better at this?" Then, remember to stay mindful of using positive self-talk rather than negative self-sabotage.
2. Now that you've exposed the thought, challenge it.
If someone else puts you down or criticizes you, you'd defend yourself or push back, right? So, stop taking it from yourself.
We tend to focus on our perceived weaknesses instead of our strengths. Self-doubt is a by-product of a past experience or an old self-perception.
What you can do: Stop letting the past affect your present.
You're not who you used to be, and whatever happened in the past is over. That means it's time to move forward, let go of the baggage, and start anew. No two situations are exactly the same, and outcomes aren't inevitable because they happened once.
If you do, however, find yourself ruminating on the past, choose to focus on your successes, not your failures. Above all, don't let your fear stop you from pursuing your dreams and ambitions, and making yourself a better person in the process.
3. Take your power back and choose a different thought.
It's only a thought and you can control your thoughts, fortunately.
Thoughts are simply choices. You don't wear clothes that make you feel uncomfortable or eat food you don't like. So why choose thoughts that make you feel bad?
What you can do: Choose a thought that makes you feel good and encourages you.
Stick with a positive attitude, focusing on why you can instead of why you can't.
If you can't come up with anything, think about what someone who cares about you would say. It would probably be something along the lines of, "Everyone makes mistakes, and you're no different. But you have the power to create a future full of success and happiness. And it all starts with showing yourself compassion."
Self-sabotage and self-doubt can get in the way of a happy life, but the good news is that those mental patterns can be broken — if you allow yourself to.
Barbara Rush is a self-empowerment and mindset coach who can help you build a "Can Do" mindset. For more information, visit her website.