Experts Say These 2 Small Factors Will Stop You From Falling For Toxic Men
You're the reason you haven't met Mr. Right.
Oleg Ivanov | Unsplash When your relationships continue to fail, you're bound to look back on them and decide what went wrong. It's an endless cycle of the same kind of men with the red flags — they're just too unavoidable! Are you sick of this endless cycle? Former SVP of YourTango Experts Melanie Gorman, divorce coach Dr. Karen Finn, relationship trainer Julie Nise, matchmaker and dating coach Jasbina Ahluwalia, and counselor and therapist Dr. Pat Love say that maybe the issue isn't the so-wrong guys that you keep finding. It's you! You have to change yourself to stop attracting the same man. Here are some life-changing ways they say will help you avoid the endless cycle of Mr. Wrongs.
If you always fall for bad men, you need to do these 2 things ASAP:
1. Ask for feedback
Talk about it with your loved ones to help you reevaluate your past relationships. While you may think it panned out a certain way, they can help you see it in another light. Perhaps you thought a past relationship went very wrong because you believed your ex did something wrong, but your close friend says that it was really all you. You won't know for sure until you ask someone to reflect on your relationship with you. Then, you can figure out what to change for the future.
Julie Nise expertly explains, "The thing about patterns is it's all about perspective. We all have our perspectives — what we think, what we believe, what we think we know, and they may or may not be accurate. So I think when it comes to changing patterns and not repeating the things we've done in the past, a really good point is you've got to get your feedback."
2. Get your current partner's support
If you're currently in a relationship where your partner is showing tons of red flags, this will work best for you. Discuss exactly what's going wrong with your partner so that you resolve the issue together. If you resolve the issue before the relationship ends, you create a stronger bond with your current partner.
Jasbina Ahluwalia suggests that you use this simple tip to actively resolve the issue as it occurs: "When you're actually in a connected state, right, then two of you are connected. That's the time to have code words. Come up with a secret code for the pattern that you both would have had to identify ahead of time ... that way you guys are going to be uniting and fighting the pattern instead of fighting each other when the two of you are engaged in that dynamic."
Melanie Gorman is the former Senior VP of YourTango Experts. Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce and life coach. Her writing on marriage, divorce, and co-parenting has appeared on MSN, Yahoo, Psych Central, Huffington Post, Prevention, and The Good Men Project, among others. Julie Nise is a Marriage/Couples Counselor who helps couples change the future by putting their awareness on the future. Dr. Pat Love, Ed.D., LMFT, is an acclaimed relationship counselor and author of multiple books, including The Truth About Love, and How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. Jasbina Ahluwalia is a matchmaker and the founder of Intersections Match. She has been featured in Business Week, Chicago Tribune, Huffington Post, Entrepreneur Magazine, Inc., San Jose Mercury News, and more.