11 Things You Should Never, EVER Put Inside Your Vagina

We're pretty attached to our vagina, especially since it brings so much fun into our lives. But we keep trying to bring some really inappropriate things into the fun.

While we may think it's exciting and kinky to be adding foods and shiny toys to play time, we really need to be a lot more careful about what goes in there, specifically, these ten things:

1. Fruit and vegetables

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Bananas and cucumbers have been notoriously labeled as the "naughty" or a "let me try that just once" gadget due to its shape, size, and easy accessibility during experimental years.

But Dr. Yvonka, a clinical sexologist, warns against it: "This is a big no-no and can be quite risky health-wise due to the variety of little critters and bacteria it is exposed to!"

No matter how well you clean those fruits and veggies, chances are they're still carrying around critters, dirt, and bacteria. Food in general is a good idea to keep above the belt, not below.

Just because they're penis-shaped doesn't mean they belong near your vagina.

2. Douches

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Douching can reduce natural bacteria in the vagina, introduce foreign bacteria, and irritate the mucous lining.

It's also been scientifically linked to pelvic inflammatory disease, chlamydia, gonorrhea, bacterial vaginitis, cervical cancer, reduced fertility, and ectopic pregnancy, says Taylor Stokes, a sexpert at Free Your V.

3. Hair dye

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Sure, we all want to show men our pink, heart-shaped welcome mat. But beware: our skin down there is way more sensitive than on our head, meaning hair-dye related burns and irritations are far more likely.

And if you're really adamant about dyeing your pubic hair, do your research first and find products that are free of irritants.

4. Certain lubricants

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Lubes that contain parabens, petrochemicals, DEA, glycerin, methylisothiazolinone, and fragrance are a big no-no. Many of these ingredients are linked to cancer, hormone balance disruption, and skin irritations, says Stokes.

Also be aware that oil-based lubes are thicker and harder to cleanse out of your lady parts, which can lead to infection.

5. Living things

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Whatever floats your boat, ladies. But just realize that animals may decide they like it better in your vagina and stick around, says Jason S. James, M.D., and medical director of FemCare Ob-Gyn, LLC.

I mean, should "animals" and "your vagina" even be used in the same sentence?

6. Sharp objects

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"I've heard of knitting needles getting stuck," says Dr. James. This also includes fragile items like light bulbs and glass bottles. 

Some people will go to great lengths to please themselves, but you should probably invest in a sex toy that won't break inside you.

7. Dirty toilet paper

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Ladies, this goes without saying, but ALWAYS wipe front to back. Not doing so can result in fecal matter making its way into your vagina, leading to infection.

8. Medications

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Medications, drugs, and alcohol can become absorbed in too high quantities because the vagina is very vascular and absorbs chemicals very efficiently, says Dr. James.

There's an urban legend about women placing vodka-laced tampons in their vagina to absorb the martini-buzz into their bloodstream. But NO, this is NOT a good idea.

9. Soft plastic sex toys

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Because sex toys are sold as "novelty items," they're not FDA-regulated for body safety. Many toy manufacturers don't even list the ingredients in their toys, leaving us in the dark about what we're putting into and around our vaginas.

"Many soft plastic/rubber toys are made with phthalates, some of which have been designated as possible human carcinogens," says Dr. Emily Morse, a sex expert.

These softer plastic, rubber, or "jelly-like" sex toys can undergo wear and tear, and develop cuts and nicks that tiny microbes and infection-causing bacteria can live in, says Morse.

So, when shopping for a sex toy, look for hard plastic, silicone, stainless steel, or even glass products.

10. Bodies of water

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Pools and jacuzzis seem like an inviting environment for sex ...

But "These man-made recreational bodies of water are always chlorinated, and chlorine may disrupt the natural pH balance in the vagina. Lakes, ponds, rivers, streams, and all natural bodies of water are host to a whole gang of microbes and bacteria that can be harmful to the vagina.

Sex in these bodies of water can force this bacteria into the vagina, leaving it vulnerable to bacterial infections, irritation, etc.," says Morse.

So, ladies, be careful with what you put down below.

11. Hot sauce

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Our editor revealed a story of a boyfriend who once put hot sauce on his wings and perhaps didn't wash them off entirely. "Then we got down and dirty and holy shit: vagina ON FIRE!" — don't do this! And if it does happen to you, there's some ways you can neutralize it.