If You Use These 3 Words With Your Partner, You're Slowly Damaging Your Relationship
It's time to say more in your relationship.
Drazen Zigic | Canva Communication is the cornerstone of your relationship whether you're newly dating or married, yet many people struggle to connect with the person they love and effectively communicate with one another. If you want to have a healthy relationship, there are certain words that you need to avoid, but they often end up in your everyday conversations — and they're negatively impacting your relationship whether you realize it or not. So what phrases are the root of these relationship problems?
Ask yourself how many times you've said these to your partner over just the last few days: "I'm fine." "Everything is good." "I'm okay."
You just blurt these words — fine, good, okay — out without any real consideration for their consequences. They’re so automatic you don’t even realize you’re saying them, but when you do, you're slowly killing your relationship. How are these seemingly harmless words doing such damage?
Here are 3 reasons why the words fine, good, and OK are so damaging to your relationship:
1. There’s no room for the conversation to grow
Communication is one of the most important elements in your relationship, and by being so general with your statements, you are cutting the conversation short before it can begin. If you are "fine" with not talking at all, go ahead and take this approach. If you’re interested in having more profound conversations, your answers should leave room for growth.
2. You’re not really "fine"
Being so general creates room for doubt. Are you really "fine?" Is everything really "good?" There must be something interesting that’s happening with your day. Stop saying such general things, and start talking about the real stuff. If you don’t share yourself, your partner can’t attempt to understand what’s going on with you.
3. You’re creating bad communication habits
If there’s no room for the conversation to grow (and you create doubt with your generality), you're closing yourself off to your partner. Without even realizing it, you just dismissed their interest in you, and you're training them to not ask. These general phrases are slowly picking away at your relationship, but you can make a difference in how you communicate. General questions are met with general answers. If you are more specific in the way you communicate, you'll get more specific, buildable answers.
Don’t ask, "How was your day?" Instead ask, "How was your meeting with the new client?" And if you’re still getting a general answer, ask a follow-up question like, "Were they on board with the plan?” It's time you start being more specific — and honest — with your answers, too. Stop generalizing your life. Share your day fully — the good and the bad — with your partner. Share your thoughts and feelings about something you're going through. Building relationships and communication skills is all about the details. You must be more aware of what and how you say things or one day, you’ll find that you and your partner aren't communicating at all.
Ravid Yosef is a dating and relationship coach. She is an established advice column writer, Certified NLP Practitioner, and Award-winning marketer.