5 Ways Wives Can Encourage Their Husbands To Be More Vulnerable, According To Psychology
Men are just as emotional as women, if you allow him to be.
omelnytskyi | Canva For decades (centuries, forever), our culture revered the strong, silent type ... but men are finally waking up to a fact most women already own: stuffing our emotions — being told to feel nothing, express nothing — is bad for our bodies and our relationships.
A man who starts expressing himself can take some getting used to. We say we want a sensitive man but, what we mean is we want a man who gets us and our sensitivity, who never fails to listen.
So, if your man is finally starting to express himself, how do we as women show up for them in that unfamiliar territory? We certainly haven't been taught how to handle their emotions any better than they have.
Here are five ways wives can encourage their husbands to be more emotionally vulnerable:
1. Acknowledge the ways you may unintentionally shut down his feelings
Do you shut your man down when he tries to explain how he feels? Do you talk over him? Tell him how he feels? Do you twist his words until they, ultimately, become about you and your feelings, or about how he’s not living up to your expectations? If so, stop.
Acknowledge that you've behaved this way and no longer wish to. Men have a hard time opening up already, and not many have any close male friends, according to research from The Survey Center on American Life.
2. Underscore that feelings aren't 'feminine'
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You don't have to act more "masculine" just because your man is showing emotion. Expressing feelings and emotions isn't being "feminine" ... it's being human.
Men have always been sensitive, but now we're giving them permission and space to unveil that side of themselves, something most men do for us all the time. According to research from the University of Michigan, men are just as emotional as women.
3. Let him talk
Above all, stop telling him to keep quiet! You don't have to solve all his problems any more than he has to solve yours. Model and practice active listening. Research from The University of Rochester shows that people who practice active listening with their partners can lead to happier relationships.
How would you handle the same situation with your best friend? If you don't know, ask him what he needs. Maybe he needs a hug or just a little space for you to just listen.
4. Avoid questioning his motives
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If he deals with a bad day by spending a night in his "man cave" playing video games ... let him. Don't take it as rejection. If we give men space to process their feelings, they’ll come back to us healthier — and hotter — than ever. And they'll feel more willing to hear us out on our bad days.
Support in relationships is a two-way street. Research consistently shows that support within a relationship is highly important, as it significantly contributes to overall well-being, mental health, and relationship satisfaction.
5. Realize men process emotion differently than we do, so they express it differently
When difficult emotions come up, men don't typically go eat a pint of chocolate ice cream while analyzing their problems from every possible angle. They’re much more likely to distract themselves or isolate.
Isolating yourself isn't the best way to cope with problems. Research from 2021 found that while isolating yourself when feeling sad is a common coping mechanism, it can significantly worsen depressive symptoms and negatively impact mental health. If he does come to you, be joyful, and open. Cut out the criticism or eye rolls.
If we know our men love us, and we know how to respond to their emotions, we may just learn to enjoy their sensitive side. And if we do, our 21st-century guy will be sitting right next to us, happy and healthy, for a long time to come.
Kathryn Brown Ramsperger wrote for National Geographic and Kiplinger before working as a humanitarian journalist. She's an intuitive creativity coach and creator of Step Into Your Story!, as well as the author of two novels, including A Thousand Flying Things.