4 Brutally Honest Reasons Your 'Perfect Guy' Never Existed
You will never find the man of your dreams in the real world.
Anneke Schram | anyka / Frozenbunn | Canva / Nick_H--1821910 | pixabay I get emails all the time about women falling for men. They say, "He was my knight in shining armor. He was the man of my dreams."
I understand falling in love puts blinders on us, but if this is how you feel about your man mere weeks into the relationship, you're already doomed because of the following reasons.
Here are 4 brutally honest reasons your 'perfect guy' never existed:
1. You're living in a fantasy
Whenever you speak in terms of the man of your dreams and knights in shining armor, you're not living in reality. Dreams are dreams for a reason. What happens when you're going to sleep at night?
Things happen in your dreams you have no control over. You're giving your power away to your dreams where you can't take any action. By calling somebody a knight in shining armor, you're acting like you're a damsel in distress waiting for a prince who won't be able to find you.
Dreams are great, but it's better to have a vision board and a relationship board than a dream board. A vision board means that you're paying more attention to the present instead of living in a dream world. You're actively seeking qualities in a living, breathing human male, as opposed to dreaming one up every night.
2. You're missing out on the real men
Men of your dreams seem to disappear very quickly. I recently got an email from somebody who was dating her "perfect man." She said he did everything in his power to show and prove to her that he was "the one." He worked for two years to prove himself, when she finally said, "I'm starting to fall for you."
It took her two years to say that! This means she had been holding back her feelings. She put this guy on a pedestal. He was too perfect for her to reach out and touch so she kept him at arm's length.
She was living in a dream, which is unfortunate because if she'd been living in the real world she would have been dating her actual "perfect man." She could have been living the dream. Eventually, she received a text from him telling her how much he cared for her and how he appreciated everything. He wished he could reciprocate but had to give all of his attention to his new business.
He didn't call or text her for three weeks. He called the day before he moved and then he was gone. Dream men usually come in on a white horse, and as quickly as they come, they ride off into the sunset, usually just as the relationship is getting real.
3. Dreams aren't always real
There is no such thing as a dream man. Every man, woman, and child on planet Earth has flaws. If you want to build a relationship you have to acknowledge this.
Here's what happens when a woman does finally reach out and date her dreamboat: At first everything seems perfect. He is everything you wanted. You tell all of your friends. Maybe you call your mother because you've finally found a good guy.
Then maybe a month into the relationship you start to notice little flaws. These flaws are so tiny they don't even warrant bringing up to him. You overlook them because he's perfect.
Finally, he'll do something you can't keep to yourself. Maybe he forgets something important. Perhaps he said something about your mother or how you look in a dress. You will snap and he won't know why. Because you treated him like a god before this, he won't understand where your anger is coming from.
Even worse, once you realize how truly human he is you'll start to resent him. He's not your perfect man after all. He'll realize he will never be treated as well as when you first started dating and he'll split the first chance he gets.
4. A relationship takes two
You've got to be aware of what you're doing. A relationship is only a relationship if the two parties talk about what they need, want, and desire from the get-go. If you spent three years with somebody because you thought he was a dream man and allowed him to do what he wanted to without having a discussion, you're not in a relationship.
These are discussions that you should have in the first three days:
- Do you want children?
- Do you want to get married one day?
- What are you looking for?
- How do you want to be loved?
These are the questions to let you know if this relationship could be something real. You deserve to be loved. When you put a man so high on a pedestal that you're afraid to touch him, you're really saying, "I don't deserve someone like this. He's too good for me."
Dream men and knights in shining armor don't exist. The white horse they ride in on is the same horse they ride off on before anything gets down and dirty. You deserve to be with someone who is going to go 50/50 in a relationship.
Stop telling yourself you don't.
David Wygant is a dating coach who spent the past 20 years helping men and women transform their love lives. As a lead writer for Ask Men and Huffington Post, his advice has been offered across television, newspapers, and magazines, including MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, E! Entertainment Television, and more.