The Brutal Truth About Long-Distance Relationships That Nobody Says Out Loud
Does distance really make the heart grow fonder?
chonesstock | Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva / zoomstudio | Getty Images Signature / Mikhail Nilov | Pexels Are long-distance relationships hard? Well, as someone who's in a long-distance relationship part of the year, and loves it, I'm always curious how others handle it. I think if I were younger and had less going on in my life, not seeing my husband for a chunk of time would really wreak havoc on my nerves.
My first love and I were only an hour apart, by car, and even that was too much to bear when I was 21. But because I'm quite happy and independent, I almost welcome the alone time. I realize others probably don't feel the same.
I asked the women how they felt about long-distance relationships. Are they awesome, because solo time is the best time? Absolutely heart-wrenching? Or pretty great, because you like stocking up on frequent flier miles for that dream trip to Thailand? Here's what they had to say.
Here's the truth about long-distance relationships that nobody says out loud:
1. It makes no sense
"I never understood the concept of a 'long-distance relationship.' How can you be in a relationship with someone you never see? It makes no sense to me." — Sarah, 29
2. If you aren't physically close, you're in an open relationship
"To me, a long-distance just means an open relationship. When you're physically together, then you're together. When you're not, then you're free to roam." — Franny, 30
3. It leads to insecurity
"I gave it a try in college. I was in Boston and he was in Chicago. It involved lots of yelling, crying, and accusations that the other wasn't being faithful, which was based on zero evidence, just emotions. Needless to say, I'll never do it again." — Lynne, 28
4. I don't have enough trust to have an LDR
"I've never met a man I could trust enough to do that. Probably never will." — Kate, 34
5. It depends on how often you see one another
"Well, are we apart 10 percent of the time or 80 percent of the time? The latter, no way; the former, I could handle. Maybe." — Jennifer, 30
6. It only works if it's temporary
"Are long-distance relationships hard? Well, it depends on the distance and anticipated time apart. If it's a new relationship and the setting is 'I'll see you when I see you,' or 'I have no idea when I'll see you,' then no thanks. If it's something temporary then I could hack it with an end date. It's important to me to have my partner in crime by my side." — Jen, 35
7. Distance complicates things
"At first, it's wonderful, but only because my life was always 100 MPH, but distance is hard on a relationship. They can't be there for you in times of need and vice versa. That wears on the heart after a while.” — Kelly, 43
8. It's just not for me
"I look at people who are in relationships with military personnel and I don't get how they can do it. If it was a nine-month tour of duty once or twice, then fine. If it's for a lifetime, all that being apart, I would rather not get involved." — Carrie, 31
Amanda Chatel is an essayist and intimacy health writer for Yourtango, Shape Magazine, Hello Giggles, Glamour, and Harper's Bazaar.