The Habit That's Making Him Bored In The Bedroom
The takeaway here is two things: moderation and reality.
NDAB Creativity / Shutterstock Men are very visual creatures.
If they could, they'd always have sex with the light on and would probably be surrounded by photos of naked women at all times. That's just their thing, whereas women, although appreciative of visuals, don't really rely on them as much.
Because men are so visual, it can sort of mess up things for them. Not only because women aren't exactly on the same level of visual desire, but because of other sources, too.
Here's the habit that's making him bored in the bedroom:
A study has found that it's the visuals of pornography that can highly affect a man's relationship, leaving him less than satisfied with the "real" thing. According to Arkansas psychologist, Ana Bridges, the "media scripts" that men absorb while watching porn have a direct effect on their real-life sexual activities and experiences.
The study of 487 male college students found that men who watched porn were more likely to try to act out the scenes that they were watching and loving.
Now, if we take a moment and think about some of the pretty tricky scenes you can only find in porn, and then try to fathom how one would get in and out of them without getting a black eye or bloody nose, it's easy to see that delving into those waters isn't smart. Porn stars are professionals; you, dear reader, are not a professional.
There's also the fact that, according to Bridges, while some porn is neutral or positive in its displays, a lot of it "overwhelmingly centers on acts of violence and degradation toward women."
Combine that with just how rare it is to find any sort of tenderness, like hugging, kissing, cuddling, or compliments in porn, and it's making for some really cold, awkward positions, and possibly violent sex acts in the real world.
If that's your thing, then great! But for a lot of people, they want those cuddles, and being smacked in the face every time they have sex isn't fun either.
The study further found that those participants who were constantly viewing pornography actually become dependent on porn in order to "become and remain sexually excited," and experienced "diminished enjoyment," because their expectations were based on what they saw in porn. Men who didn't watch all that much porn didn't have such problems.
The takeaway here is two things: moderation and reality.
Cutting back on porn consumption can help men from being so dependent upon it for arousal and in realizing the difference between reality and fantasy, they can stop proposing extreme positions and acts to their partner. This won't necessarily remedy everything, but if men can take a few steps away from their computers, they might find that their sex lives will be better for it.
As everyone's favorite porn star, James Deen says, "Don't try to have sex like a porn star." Listen to James, you guys.
Amanda Chatel is a writer who divides her time between NYC and Paris. She's a regular contributor to Bustle and Glamour, with bylines at Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Livingly, Mic, The Bolde, Huffington Post, and others.