10 Ways Smart Women Choose To Be Really, Truly, Simply Happy
Because happiness is a choice you make every day.
nappy / Pexels Many love the idea of "positive thinking," but others think of the "think yourself positive" tactics just don't work. They may try to "attract" their greatest desires only to open their eyes and see that they are exactly where they began.
Still, there's still a good chance you can be happy and find what you're seeking. Studies have shown that the brain can be trained to be happy. Toss in a little "ohm" and a wee bit of white sage for good measure, and voila! — we've got ourselves a get-happy plan.
Here are 10 ways smart women choose to happy every single day
1. They let things go
Being ignored triggers the same area of the brain as physical pain, and looking at photos of your ex lights up the same areas associated with craving and addiction. In layman's terms, stalking your ex's Facebook is not going to do much for your "moving on" process.
None of us want to admit that we "crave" or feel "addicted" to someone who no longer wants to be with us, but it happens.
When something or someone we wanted so badly starts to slip away, some of us are able to respectfully release it, while others simply tighten their grip. The latter never works; begging doesn't look good on anyone.
Bottom line: If you’re not being welcomed into someone’s home, heart, or office space (and respected and appreciated while there), it’s best to stop knocking and go back into your own happy space.
2. They listen to upbeat music
When you listen to sad songs, it's only a matter of time before a loved one will ask, "Don’t you have any happy songs in your playlist?" And while listening to sad music can provide you time to do some self-reflection, smart women who choose to be happy switch it up a bit.
Not only do happier songs make experiences more calming, but a peppier playlist can actually increase your mood.
In fact, a study performed by experts at The University of Missouri found that listening to uplifting music can bring about a sense of happiness, so while you may not want to give up your sad or angry music, maybe toss in a few happier tracks now and then.
3. They assume the best in people
In the past, if my friend sent me to voicemail or didn't respond to a text, I would sit at my desk thinking our friendship had ended for reasons I was unaware of and I would never get a chance to explain myself.
Many unnecessary panic attacks later, I realized that not every missed call means someone is avoiding you, and that terse look from your co-worker is probably not because you didn't fill up the paper in the printer.
Photo: AV RAW / Pexels
Yes, there are selfish and manipulative people out there, but spending your life looking around for slights and insults is a one-way ticket to misery. Worse, it can make you show your dark side too often and cause problems.
4. They find the present in their history, but always make room for the new
There’s a good chance that whatever you're facing now, you've faced it in the past and things turned out just fine. Your past shows that nothing can break you... except you.
Unfortunately, going back into the past without a clear understanding as to why you're going there (and what you're looking for) can turn out the same way as mindlessly walking into the attic, opening every box, and then looking at your watch, wondering where the day went.
And guess what? Other people look at their watch and wonder the same thing about their entire life. Don't be that someone. Instead, focus on the present.
If you find yourself wasting time on things you know you shouldn't be wasting time on, distract yourself and call a friend who will make you laugh or remind you why you're so lucky to have moved on.
5. They are proactive
The more you reach out, read up, and walk forward, the more aware of the opportunities and possibilities you become. Before you know it, you're living in a world of options and opportunity, instead of simply choosing the "lesser of two evils," as so many feel they do.
Reach out to five people today and ask them all to get together to do something. Meet one for drinks, one to hit a museum, one for dinner and so on. Then, understand that being proactive is something smart women do to be happy every single day.
6. They don't let fears hold them back
There aren’t bears behind every tree. Maybe it’s because our ancestors had to worry about wild animals chasing them into their caves or some hot young thing in a bearskin skirt causing a ruckus in the tribe, but so many of us equate the unknown with something negative. Quite frankly, that’s a shame.
Not only does this way of thinking keep us from making changes and making introductions that could literally change the direction of our lives, but it also makes us boring to those around us. So, whenever you find yourself fearful of the future, ask, "What if what I don’t know is how wonderful my life can actually be?"
7. They are grateful for every day
It's easy to get caught up in daily stressors, but taking a moment each day to be grateful is something the smartest women do for themselves. Every time you're feeling down or are complaining too much, name six things you're grateful for.
If you're with friends, go around the room and make everyone do it too. It works every time!
There's something about being grateful that just shifts your focus, even for a moment, and you realize that smearing your nail polish right before a date is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
Photo: Layanne / Pexels
8. They are realistic
Buddhists believe that rejection of what's happening in the here and now is the root of unhappiness. Sounds simple, but the more you focus on acceptance, the more you understand just how incredibly simple life can be when we stop complicating everything with wishes and expectations.
Whether you're dealing with a job loss, a breakup, or something far more serious, accepting that you are where you are, instead of focusing on where you were (or beating yourself up for how long you stayed there), is the first step in moving forward.
9. They don’t just seek positivity and perspective
They say that misery loves company, but smart women want to be surrounded by strong, happy people when they're feeling low (and also when they're not). That means avoiding those who are dismissive of your concerns and telling you "it could be worse" and "don't feel that way."
Seek people who lift your spirits, validate your feelings and remind you that you can change your situation. Treat unhappiness as an infection to clear up, rather than a chronic, untreatable disease.
There's freedom in accountability and knowing that we choose what we deal (and don’t deal) with.
10. They make good choices
Being a victim allows you to be lazy. If it's not your fault, then you don’t have to do any work, right? False. Just because someone else made bad choices that left you down for the count doesn’t mean you have the green light to throw your own personal pity party.
Also, when you choose to engage with someone after they show you who they are, or you choose not to create boundaries or listen to your gut, that decision is on you.
At the end of the day, you are the person who is responsible for creating a space and a life you love. So, if you’re constantly stressed out or feeling as though you’re not where you want to be, the change you seek can only be found in the choices you make.
Brenda Della Casa is a writer, journalist, speaker, strategist, author of "Cinderella Was a Liar," and founder of LoolaBee. Her bylines have appeared on Medium, PopSugar, Huffington Post, Glamour, Thrillist, Thought Catalog, Allure, among many others, where she covers lifestyle, relationships, and human interest topics.