I Hid In The Closet For 13 Years In A Dishonest Marriage — 10 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Young, Gay Self

Dear Little Rickey (or any other young gay man just finding his way),

I'm about to talk to you. Not in a bad way. Consider it more like your own mini version of Back To The Future. I know you don't know what that means, but just trust me, when you catch up to it you'll love that movie.

You see, I'm chatting with you right now to pass back some assurance, insights, and monkey-mind-quieting advice for you to use as you journey towards becoming the man you're going to be — a proud, scared, confused, strong, intuitive, fun-loving, gay man! 

Now, I know it's a bit early for us to talk about gender identity, sexuality, sexual orientation, and intimacy, so let's start at the beginning.

RELATED: How I Finally, Blissfully Realized I Was An Asexual Lesbian In My 60s

As much as we'd like to be like the rest of the guys, tongue-twisting with the girls, it just isn't going to be what we're fond of. 

You'll try to hide what you're feeling, but it's not going to be who you are. You'll know that, you just won't completely understand it for a while, so be patient. 

I wish I could tell you to just go for it. But, I'm going to suggest that you stand your ground, trust yourself to be yourself, and know that one day, you'll have a life better than you ever imagined possible.

And I mean it. Once you're able to authentically live as yourself, you'll have higher self-esteem, better social relationships, and even a healthier life, wonderful research tells us.

RELATED: I Left My Marriage Because I Had To Come Out To Myself

Here are 10 things I want my younger, gay self to know:

1. You are who you are, plain and simple

2. Pretending sucks, reality rocks

3. Making others comfortable with you is not your responsibility

4. You're going to love and be loved

You're also going to dislike and be disliked. Choose the first combo; it's much more fun.

RELATED: Husband Reveals 6 Unrealistic Expectations He Had When He Came Out To His Wife Of 13 Years

5. Don't worry about what you've done wrong

Just always learn from it.

6. It is not selfish to take care of you first

7. You will have what you desire, provided you ask for it, and only ask for it if it's in your best interest

8. Make sure that what you expect from others, you are willing for them to expect from you

Jopwell / Pexels

9. Try to learn that everything is happening for you, not to you 

10. Speak when it makes a difference, and stay quiet when it makes sense

Alright, I just wanted to come say hello before you dive into your journey outside of Mom's womb. Life is going to be fun, trust me. You're going to see the world, be challenged by it, and thrive. But, as the hip kids say these days, "It's all good."

Enjoy the journey, my little gay self. And, in the words of RuPaul (a fabulous drag queen), "If you don't love yourself, how are you gonna love somebody else?"

RELATED: My Struggle With Anorexia Was My Body Telling Me I Was Gay

Rick Clemons is a certified professional coach, speaker, author, and podcaster who inspires corporations, entrepreneurs, college and university students, and individuals to make their bold moves.