4 Reasons Some Women Keep Going Back To The Same Type Of Guys Again & Again
Why you get the guy you don't want.
Toa Heftiba | Unsplash Creating a great relationship can be one of the most fun and exhilarating experiences, but getting there is the hard part. A new love interest can bring up the discomfort of not knowing whether the relationship will work.
Disappointment comes after the initial excitement phase to ensure the relationship will cool off and get boring. All your sisters, friends, and neighbors are married, and having kids makes "happily ever after" look like a distant fantasy.
You ask, "Why do I date the same type of guy I don't want and never the guy I do want?"
Here are 4 reasons some women keep going back to the same type of guys again & again
1. Their belief in love is deflated
Focusing on all the obstacles and what might happen will leave you feeling deflated and overwhelmed. All the thinking can leave you exhausted, and thinking love is impossible — going from being asked out, to the first date, from girlfriend to meeting the parents, a life tragedy to marriage. So, in order not to disappoint yourself, you might decide it would be easier to give up or not put yourself wholeheartedly into the mix, as suggested by an article in the European Psychologist Journal.
2. They fail to go after what they really want
When you believe love is impossible and the mountain is too high, you will fail to go after what you really want. You are afraid you might be happy and love might work out for you. Out of fear and out of playing it safe, you go out with the man who is into you. If you go out with the man who is into you, there is no risk. You are in control of the outcome.
Therapist Terry Gaspard explained the necessity of taking a risk for love, "Take a moment to consider that you might be sabotaging relationship after relationship if you don't get to the root of your fear of being vulnerable. If you're afraid of showing weakness or exposing yourself to your partner, you might not be aware that your fear is preventing you from being engaged in the relationship. You might be freezing out the opportunity for love because you're afraid to let your authentic self shine and to share your innermost thoughts, feelings, and wishes."
If you go after what you want, there is risk involved — the risk of being heartbroken, left alone, or the risk of being happy. The risk is worth it. After all, the benefits far outweigh the risk of settling, so why not go all in?
3. They believe "happily ever after" only applies to others
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"Happily ever after" happens to someone who decides she will never give up, no matter what happens. She is someone who will take the risk and go after what she wants. The woman who will stand up again and again after rejection, breakups, and pain, and won't settle for the status quo.
The universe always rewards the persistent and determined among us. It is your life and your choice that creates the outcome. So, get out there, find the resources, seek the education, and make life happen for you. The ball is in your court; believe in love and go make it your reality.
4. Their negativity shows up when they are happy
Our problems show up when we are happy and the only way to avoid this is to be in a relationship with someone loving, caring, and who supports you. Feelings of insecurity, jealousy, or avoiding our childhood traumas will show up when we are happy. It is what we do about it that affects the outcome.
"When you’ve been traumatized as a child, it lives deep inside you. You could even say it settles in your bones. The memories, even if pushed away and not conscious, are etched into your symptoms, in your relationship struggles, and into your not-good self-esteem. Many traumatized children feel they’ve always been on their own and do the best they can to work things out for themselves," explained psychologist Sandra E. Cohen.
Having a relationship we cherish with someone we love can be a walk into the unknown and a whole new experience for us, but it is never one you will regret. Yes, it is scary, but it is worth it. So face your problems and go after the guy you want, not the one you're getting.
You don't attract the guy you want simply because you are afraid of him, you are afraid of what it might require of you.
You are afraid you may have to change in some way to acquire it, and change is scary because it is unknown. But it is also the most rewarding thing you can do for yourself. So take a risk and go after what you want.
Lorna Poole is an international coach and professional speaker. She empowers women to love beyond fear, pain, and regret to attract the partner they truly deserve.