The Best Sex Of Your Life Only Costs $150

When I walked into a Vegas toy shop for adults several months ago, I was ready to spend good money on a new vibrator to replace my old, lackluster one.

My biggest complaint about the masturbation vibrators I've owned in the past was the fact that they required batteries — my favorite vibrator required two very unique button batteries that had to be purchased at Radio Shack. It was always a slightly thrilling experience to go in for these particular batteries and have the teenage sales clerk ask, "Huh, this isn't a very common battery, what's it for?" I always came up with a lie just convincing enough to keep him from asking any more questions, but long story short? I was tired of battery-operated vibrators because they always seem to die just when I needed them most.

I didn't even browse the bargain vibrator selection — you know, the pink floppy ones with buxom porn stars gracing the packaging? I went straight to a glass display of high-end Swedish vibrators that looked like they belonged in the MoMA, not my vagina. After fiddling around with a few and asking a few key questions to the sales girl, I settled on a rechargable vibrator that was big on power, not on bells and whistles. $149 (plus tax) later, I walked back to my Vegas hotel ready to experience my very grown-up purchase.

Not only was it rechargable, it was so light! And QUIET! The vibrations were all in the tip where it mattered to masturbate, not in my hand where it didn't. It was even waterproof. WATERPROOF! Meaning washing it was a breeze and showers suddenly became a lot more interesting. Here I was, fed up with batteries and I hadn't even realized all the OTHER benefits afforded by a high-end vibrator.

Never will I purchase a cheap vibrator again. I am loyal to quality and I think you should be, too. You would never use a cheap, noisy man who gives up after fifteen minutes to get you off, so why use a cheap, noisy vibrator? Here are a few of my favorite high-end toys.

I'm really glad we had this talk.

1. Lelo INA 2 I find myself fixated on the two silicone tips of the INA 2, on what those little buzzing wands of silicone could do to my lady parts, much in the same way I used to stare at LL Cool J's lips, imagining what they could do to all my other parts. INA 2 is waterproof, rechargeable, and comes with a 1-year warranty and 10-year quality guarantee. It even has a lock feature so your bag doesn't accidentally start buzzing in the TSA security line. Lelo INA 2 — $159 Available from Lelo.com

2. Crave Droplet For me, all pleasure begins and ends with my nipples, so the idea that I could get away with wearing nipple vibrators around my neck disguised as a stylish necklace? Let's just say it gets my pink parts all tingly thinking about it. I love the idea of being out with my lover and slipping these little lovelies into my bra to warm things up as the evening winds down. My only concern: how often and how hard is it going to be to replace those tiny batteries? Crave Droplet from $109 — Available from LoveCrave.com

3. Black Label Liberator Ramp and Wedge Combo I have been intrigued by sex furniture since I first found out about it. Something about having a sturdy support system ready to hold me up, out and open to new positions, sensations and possibilities makes me even more excited to get naked with my lover. How many positions have you wanted to try but just couldn't because of angles, lack of support or precarious balance? This lets you experience them all while caring for your neck, knees, and back — allowing you to go longer and stronger. I haven't even mentioned the sturdy hooks and straps allowing for attachment of various bondage cuffs and restraints. Yes. Let's go. Liberator Ramp/Wedge Combo from $260 — Available from Liberator.com

4. Stronic Drei This fancy-looking toy doesn't get you off by vibrating. Rather, it pulsates at a much lower frequency with a back and forth motion (more like good old fashioned sex!). Engineered and made in Germany, it promises to be a whole new level of fun for those bored with traditional vibrators. At nearly $200, I would need to hold one in my hand to assess the potential before dropping that much cash, but if it's anything like the online video promises, it would be $200 well spent. Stronic Drei $199.99 — Available from Fun Factory

5. Crave Duet This vibrator is essentially a sexy silicone hug for your clitoris. No longer do you have to find a way to embrace your clitoris with a traditional vibrator, the unique U-shape of the duet does it for you. It promises to be quiet enough to use in a library, plus it has USB charging capabilities (no cords or batteries required!) and keeps the vibrating sensations in the tip rather than your hand. (I hate numb vibrator hand.) You can even upgrade your Duet to include 8-16GB of memory. Now, whose clitoris wants a snuggle? Crave Duet from $149 — Available from LoveCrave.com

6. Lelo ORA I was busted in a sex toy shop holding onto the ORA for just a little longer than what may be deemed appropriate. "If you like oral, you should give that baby a try," the salesgirl behind me whispered as she brought me back to reality. It's one thing to see the ORA move in an online promotional video, it's another thing to hold one in your hand and feel the smooth glide of silicone move and push against your hand (and imagine it somewhere else). While nothing may ever be as good as a real tongue, this may be the next best thing. Lelo ORA $169 — Available from Lelo.com