What The Heck? George Zimmerman Thinks He's A Security Guard Now

George Zimmerman was acquitted of the second degree murder and manslaughter of Trayvon Martin, a teenager who made the mistake of walking through Zimmerman's neighborhood watch area while wearing a hoodie and carrying snacks. Since then, Zimmerman has run into more legal trouble with domestic violence drama (those charges were dropped) and generally being one of the most-hated men in America: a face representative of racial profiling, an inability to follow instructions from actual authority figures and a trigger-happy bully, to put the terms lightly.

So naturally, he's the guy you'd want as a security guard.

He's especially the guy you'd want as a security guard for a gun store.

If this sounds like an article from The Onion, it should ... but it's not. This is real life.

And, much like his gun-toting neighborhood watch position, Zimmerman wasn't officially nor actually hired to patrol this particular firearms shop.

A police report obtained by Mashable reports that after midnight on Sunday, a police officer in DeLand, Florida (note: Of course this is in f---ing Florida) found Zimmerman inside Pompano Pat's, a firearms and motorcycle shop. Zimmerman informed the officer that he was keeping watch over the shop due to a recent burglary and that his pal, store owner Pat Johnson, requested him to do it, though he's not on the payroll.

This is the same gun shop that offered Zimmerman a free firearm when he was acquitted of Trayvon Martin's death.

I could point out every specific detail that makes this so effed up, but instead, I'll use some analogies: Would you recommend Ray Rice to look after a women's shelter? Lindsay Lohan to teach defensive driving and be an AA coach? Casey Anthony and Michael Jackson were acquitted, but would you trust either of them to run a daycare center?

No? Oh.

George Zimmerman working as a security guard is just bizarre considering the rest of us need security to protect us from people like, well, George Zimmerman. Here's hoping there aren't any cool nights nor snack machines near the premises, or Florida may be facing some real problems.