10 Common Sex Dreams (And What Each Really Means)
So, about that time you slept with Ryan Gosling...
Yuri Shevtsov / Shutterstock Confession: I'm always dreaming about BLTs. But while I'm dreaming about food, it seems the rest of the world is dreaming about things like being chased and failing an exam.
And while the number one thing people dream about (and want to dream about) is flying, not too far behind are "physical activities like having sex and playing sports."
We've all had a sexy dream or two, but what do the most common sex dreams really mean?
According to Dr. Phyllis R. Koch-Sheras, clinical psychologist and author of "The Dream Sourcebook," it's important to think about how the dream itself makes you feel before jumping to conclusions in the waking world
"Be careful taking on someone else's interpretation of the meaning of your dream. Think about your feelings and associations with the events and characters, and then see what message they may have for you," she says.
Here are 10 common sex dreams and what they mean.
1. Dreams about cheating on your partner.
Dreams about cheating on your partner can mean two things: 1) You're dealing with some guilt (but not necessarily guilt from cheating), or 2) You're experiencing some reaffirmation for the passion you have with your partner. If those cheating dreams pop up before your wedding (which is common), it represents the newness of your sexual passion. So, no need to worry when sex dreams involve you being unfaithful.
2. Dreams about your partner cheating on you.
There's a good chance that dreams about your partner cheating mean you're down in the dumps, feeling neglected, or in need of attention in some way. A dream about your partner cheating can also reflect some inner self-esteem and trust issues.
"Consider the context of the situation and the feelings you are having in the dream," Dr. Koch-Sheras warns. "These are clues to the meaning the sexual experience has for you."
3. Dreams about anal sex.
It's not exactly an ideal situation, but your anal sex dreams can either mean you're willing to be obedient and comply easily, or that you're hiding your concerns about expressing your inner thoughts and emotions in fear of rejection or pain. Because what's an anal sex reference without some acknowledgment of pain?
4. Dreams about sex with a celebrity.
Let's be real: who hasn't had the type of dream where you were having sex with Ryan Gosling or Justin Timberlake? Although it's totally harmless to dream about getting it on with someone you'll probably never even meet, if you do dream about having sex with a famous person, it can mean that you have an intense desire to be successful and recognized for that success. Basically, you want to be a star, too!
5. Dreams about having an orgasm.
Have you ever woken up mid-sex dream only to realize that you were actually having an orgasm or were in the middle of a wet dream? No work, no effort, just lying there in bed having an orgasm? If not, you're missing out. But even if you just have dreams involving you having an orgasm, that's not too shabby either because it symbolizes "an electrifying conclusion to something." Yeah, conclusion to a good time.
Dreams about orgasms can also mean that you simply need to have sex in real life or get over whatever hang-ups you might be dealing with in your sex life. And if that's the case, consider contacting a sex therapist for help in the waking world.
6. Dreams about having sex with someone of the same gender.
If you're straight and have a dream about sex with someone of the same gender, there are two possible meanings for this: either it means you truly love yourself and have a strong sense of self-acceptance or — the total opposite! — that you have insecurities in your masculinity or femininity.
"Consider the personality traits of your sex partner in the dream. Could you use more of this trait in your own life?" Dr. Koch-Sheras asks.
7. Dreams about sex with your boss.
If I had a penny for every time I had a sexual dream about one of the many bosses I've loathed over the years, what a wealthy gal I'd be. While at the time I thought it was sort of suppressed sexual desire for those particular men, this dream represents a desire for control, authority, and a strong sense of empowerment. You want to be the boss in your waking life.
8. Dreams about sex with your friend.
Similar to the sex with your boss dream, having sex with your friend doesn't necessarily mean you want them either. It can just signify the closeness you share, and that tight bond is expressed in the form of... sex. However, if you are attracted to your friend in a sexual manner, sexual activity with them in your dream means you're not ready to express those feelings, so in the meantime you'll being working it out in your dream bedroom.
"Having sex with someone you admire or have positive feelings about in a dream is a symbol of integrating that part of your 'self' into your own character and sense of self," Dr. Koch-Sheras advises. "That is because everything in the dream represents a part of yourself."
9. Dreams about sex with your ex.
Simply, and not surprisingly, ex sex dreams means you have to let go. If you're with someone new but still can't shake those awkward dreams about your ex, you might have reservations about your new relationship or are worried your current partner has similar qualities to your ex.
Well, no wonder these types of sex dream can denote reservations. Who wants to be with someone who was just like the last?
10. Dreams about oral sex.
To dream that you're either getting or giving oral sex means you’re on the right path — just keep going in that direction. It also signifies your creativity skills. But if you're giving oral sex to yourself in your dream, it can mean you're yearning to feel satisfied with yourself. I mean, why else would you be that flexible in your dream?
Amanda Chatel is a writer who divides her time between NYC and Paris. She's a regular contributor to Bustle and Glamour, with bylines at Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Livingly, Mic, The Bolde, Huffington Post and others. Follow her on Twitter or on Facebook for more.