11 Simple Habits That Create Deep Intimacy With The Person You Love Most
Help your bond endure and your intimacy thrive for a lifetime.
Lauren Hogue / Pexels A lack of intimacy is a reason why so many people feel unfulfilled in their relationships. But the good news is that couples can positively affect the level of intimacy they have with their partners.
Intimacy is built on multiple levels — emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual. So, the more connected you are on all these levels, the more deeply you and your partner will feel about each other.
Start experiencing a deeper connection with your partner and a more intimate relationship with a few simple habits.
Here are 11 ways to create deep intimacy with the person you love
1. Accept and be your complete self
True, deep intimacy happens when you are being your complete self — both the good and self-perceived bad. Accept and embrace all of who you are.
When you accept your flaws, your partner will be accepting of them as well. They will also feel more comfortable being their true self, never shying away in fear of judgment. The parts that you try to hide from each other may very well be the parts that bring you closer in the end.
2. Be present
The more present you are with your partner, the more intimate your relationship will become. If you are present, you will feel relaxed and open, like you can be yourself.
If you feel tense, stressed, or constricted, it's important to take a few deep breaths; it will help center you and bring your focus to the present. Your partner can also practice breathing techniques like this to remain present.
Notice that things are fine in the current moment. Thoughts that consume you will keep you from being present, so become aware of these thoughts and observe them with curiosity and without judgment. The more you practice observing your thoughts in this manner, the better you will become at letting go of your anxieties.
3. See your partner through fresh eyes
The longer you are with your partner, the easier it is to focus on the things that bother you about them. But when you focus on all the "negatives" about them, you are depriving your relationship of proper intimacy.
Instead, focus on your partner's great qualities, the things that attracted you to them and kept your interest. This will foster a deeper sense of intimacy because they will feel appreciated, respected, and loved.
Photo: Anete Lusina / Pexels
4. Listen openly without judgment
When you listen to your partner without judging them or giving unsolicited advice, you create a safe space for them to open up about their feelings and thoughts. The more open your partner feels, the more they will share.
Even if you disagree with what they are saying, instead of telling them that they are wrong and you are right, be more neutral. That means saying something like, "I can appreciate your perspective. We just happen to see this differently — and it's okay."
When your partner feels like they can open up to you and not feel judged, it will bring you closer to one another on a deeper, more intimate level.
5. Be vulnerable
Vulnerability can feel scary because it means opening yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt. And if you associate being vulnerable with being weak, you may try to keep your emotions in check.
But there should be nothing scary about being vulnerable with the person you love, and who loves you right back. Being vulnerable is courageous because it requires getting past the hurt to once again open up your heart despite your fears.
So, practice being vulnerable by opening up and expressing your thoughts and feelings wholeheartedly. In doing so, you will have a deeper connection with the person you love deeply.
6. Love your partner for who they are
If you love your partner for what they give you or what they can do for you, intimacy will elude you. That's because you aren't loving your partner for who they are deep inside; rather, you are focused on material things, or a means to an end.
But true intimacy is felt when both people feel loved for who they are. Don't be afraid to love your partner for who they are. If they have good intentions but do something to upset you, you can still love them, even if you don't love their behavior.
When you are looking for ways to create deep intimacy with the person you love, remember that you fell for them because of their true character, not for what you could personally gain.
7. Get physically close
If physical intimacy has declined or become an afterthought, it's time to reverse this. While being in the bedroom isn't the most important aspect of a healthy relationship, it's still an expression of passion and love, and can bring couples much closer.
The physical and emotional closeness that becomes regular can build intimacy. So make time to truly be with one another, even if you have to schedule it between the hustle and bustle of work and family life.
8. Have mentally stimulating conversations
Superficial conversations make for a shallow relationship, while having conversations that are thought-provoking and energizing bring couples together.
Don't think you have to agree with your partner on every little thing; you can always have a lively debate. If you are having a stimulating conversation, you and your partner will gain insight, consider different perspectives, and learn more about each other.
Part of creating deep intimacy with your partner is having good communication habits. When you can talk about the things that really matter to each of you, only then can you form a profound connection.
Photo: Katerina Holmes / Pexels
9. Spend time doing things you both love
While it's important to have and live your own life, it's just as important to spend time together, doing things you each love and going on new adventures. Even if you don't necessarily have any interest in your partner's hobbies, you create an intimate bond by going along for the ride.
And when you have similar interests, it makes your connection even stronger. So, if you both love hiking or want to try surfing, spending time with one another doing these activities creates that bond that can last a lifetime.
10. Create rituals together
A ritual can be as simple as watching the sunset together each evening. Or, it can be as involved as taking a day trip to a new place on the first Saturday of every month, or setting a date on the calendar each week.
Sharing rituals that are special and unique to both of you helps you connect at a deeper level. It shows that you are both committed to making this relationship or marriage work, and that the future you envision involves two people in love.
11. Work through challenging times instead of giving up quickly
You are the only person that you can control in your relationship. You can't control your partner or what they think, nor should you want to.
When problems come up, do what you can (without sacrificing your integrity) to change things for the better. Don't let your ego get in the way of resolving issues. When you confront and deal with them head-on, it leads to greater intimacy. Because you are showing your partner how much you care about resolving those issues.
You do not have to wait for your partner to practice these steps to build more intimacy.
Rather, if they are not on board or willing to try, start doing these yourself. If you have a good relationship to begin with, the changes you make within yourself will likely influence your partner to change for the better.
These practices will help you both trust each other completely and be there, emotionally and physically, at all times. You will have a bond that endures — one that lets intimacy thrive for a lifetime.
Janet Ong Zimmerman is a dating and relationship coach, the founder of Love for Successful Women, and creator of the Woo Course: 9 Juicy Ways to Bring Out a Man's Desire to Woo You. She helps successful women find the love they desire.