Exclusive! Dita Von Teese: I Feel Sexier In My 40s Than 20s

With her glamorously sexy looks, risqué burlesque shows, and lingerie and fragrance lines, Dita Von Teese is the epitome of erotica, so it’s no wonder she named her fourth and latest fragrance Erotique. "I was inspired by the erotic stories that I love to read, and the kind of fragrance the characters that I read about would have worn," she says. "Perfume was very different in the past; it was very carnal, very animalistic. This fragrance has Bulgarian rose, coriander, patchouli, and leather. I love the idea of a perfume that smells like a gloved hand holding a bouquet of roses."

She had more to say about the power of scent, as well as answers to your most burning questions, when we recently spoke with Dita at the launch party for her fragrance at Ron Robinson/Fred Segal in Los Angeles.

YourTango: Do you consider scent an important element of arousal and attraction?
Dita Von Teese: Yes, definitely. Smell is the most powerful sense. It creates emotion instantly—when you smell something, you can bring back memories or create new ones. A scent can evoke powerful feelings, whether good or bad. You have to be careful about the scent you choose to wear, and when, especially when you start dating someone.

YourTango: What does sexy mean to you?
Dita Von Teese: I think sexy is always about finding what makes you feel sexy. When you stop seeking the approval of others and you consider what makes you you and an individual, you feel comfortable with that. Joy and living a good life on your own terms is always sexy. 

YourTango: Do you feel sexier now in your 40s than you did in your 20s?
Dita Von Teese: Definitely. I'd say between my 30s and now I've felt my best because I don't have to try to get acceptance from other people anymore. I feel very settled in myself, this is who I am. It's easy for me to say what I want.

YourTango: Are you dating anyone?
Dita Von Teese: No, I'm single, just dating casually. I do a lot of juggling of dates. It's fun.

YourTango: Do you want to get married again?
Dita Von Teese: I'd love to, I just haven't met the person I'm ready to get married to.

YourTango: What would it take for that to happen?
Dita Von Teese: I think I will just know. I'm not sure what it would entail, but I feel that I will know it when I see it!

YourTango: Do you want kids, either having your own or marrying a man with children?
Dita Von Teese: I'm open to anything. I don't have any restrictions. I try to be open to whatever happens.

YourTango: What's the quirkiest thing you do when it comes to love and relationships?
Dita Von Teese: There are so many tricky elements about dating. I'm always struggling with how to bounce a man out of bed. There's no nice way to say, 'You can't sleep here.' I'm still struggling with the lingo for that. When I was in my 20s, any guy I was with would get up and go home, and now they don't want to leave. Is it because my bed is so comfy? I don't know what that is!

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YourTango: Is there a celebrity people would be surprised to know you once dated?
Dita Von Teese: Yes, but I would never reveal that.

YourTango: How do you keep things spicy in your relationships?
Dita Von Teese: I'm an advocate of great lingerie. I think that being open and making someone feel like they can tell you anything and you're not going to get offended is a big thing—having such a great relationship with somebody that you can tell them exactly what you want, and they can tell you what they want, and nobody ever gets their feelings hurt or feels weird or uncomfortable.

YourTango: What are the biggest mistakes that guys make in the bedroom?
Dita Von Teese: Trying to learn about sex through porn.

YourTango: What are the biggest mistakes that women make in the bedroom?
Dita Von Teese: I don't know, it's been a long time since I slept with a woman! I guess you'd have to ask a man. No, I know what you mean. Women need to stop thinking that men are judging their bodies. Men don't care about cellulite. Men aren't looking at your stomach. They're so happy that you're there and you have your clothes off!

YourTango: How can you get your partner to be more open in the bedroom?
Dita Von Teese: You just have to talk about it. I always feel like I want to lay the groundwork right when I meet someone, being upfront and forthcoming from the very start. Then you don't have to feel weird about talking about it later.

YourTango: Where's the wildest place you've had sex?
Dita Von Teese: My wildest sex has been behind closed doors because you can be more free.  My days of public sex, I don't really do that sort of thing anymore.

YourTango: You're publishing a book this spring. What's it about?
Dita Von Teese: Your Beauty Mark. It's about breaking the rules of beauty as well as a step-by-step guide to all my beauty tricks. I do all my own hair and makeup so I reveal all of those secrets. I also go into a lot of history of every product. I interweave history with the step-by-step and I talk about products that I like. It's an empowering book.