What I Learned By Writing 100 Love Notes To My Wife
The notion of a love note is an interesting paradox.
Cristian Blázquez, JeanUrsula | Canva I decided to write 100 love notes to my wife. It was a great idea, but it didn't come as easily to me as I would have liked. It's not that I didn't love my wife — I did, and I do — but it was a challenge to pin words to such a complex, primal, and sometimes perplexing feeling as love.
I wasn't alone. Most couples can generate a list of five to seven reasons why they love their partners off the top of their heads. But even this relatively short list can take around fifteen minutes to generate! It's understandable why so many people regard writing a love letter to be such a daunting task.
Here's what I learned by writing 100 love notes to my wife:
1. Be specific
Pay attention to your everyday interactions while keeping this question at the forefront of your mind: What do they do that you like, admire, or make you feel good? When you notice something, write it down.
Don't attempt to capture the entirety of your love in one note. The best and most famous quotes about love tend to focus on one aspect of the experience.
Here are some love note examples:
- You tell me stories of what the kids do while I'm gone. You told me that Ethan was excited to have green eggs and ham today, and you helped put in the green food coloring. Since I am not home with the kids as much as you are, this helps me stay connected to all the cute things they do.
- You keep a photo of me on the refrigerator you took on our honeymoon.
- I was at the office tonight while you bathed and fed the kids. I'd rather be home, but I love you for taking care of them.
2. Think about what the person does.
As I wrote my love notes, I found they could be classified into two general categories: things my wife does, and things my wife is. Things my wife does include:
- You're willing to let the phone ring if it's not convenient to answer it.
- You compliment me when I cook, and you tell others I am a good cook.
- I love when you dance like me. It makes me laugh.
3. Think about who the person is
Often, what the person does can be used to make a statement about the kind of person they are. The examples below include the words "you are." Notice these include concrete examples of what I observed:
- You are a huge advocate of child literacy. You are great about exposing our kids to information through books.
- I've always appreciated that you are frugal. I don't know anyone better at getting things for free than you are.
- You're one of the most giving people I know. For example, you spend hours and hours creating gifts for others, with no expectations in return.
Like pre-written greeting cards, it's unlikely that you'll be able to use the example love letters here verbatim, but they can serve as an example of the kinds of details you can capture.
4. Find fun ways to deliver your love letters
Like a good meal, in which presentation is just as important as the taste of the food, how you deliver your love notes is almost as important as the message. Try not to text your love notes.
The whole point of writing a love note is to go out of your way to communicate your most delicate feelings, so put in the effort for a creative presentation. Here are a couple of ways I've delivered love letters to my wife.
5. Love pills
Go to any drug store and ask for an empty pill bottle. I've done this twice and was never denied this request. While there, purchase some empty soft gelatin capsules. Write out your love letter in small print on a piece of paper, then cut the strip of paper with the note on it, roll it up, and put it in the soft gelatin capsule. I did this for my wife before she left on a long trip to keep her from getting "lovesick," with instructions to take one per day.
Djavan Rodriguez via Shutterstock
6. Heart attack
Write your love notes on paper hearts. You can buy heart-shaped sticky notes or cut the hearts out of paper. Then stick the letters around the house (or yard, school, or wherever). You can hide some of them so that the subject of your attack will have to look a little to find them. Looking for the letters just adds to the fun, and a note that surfaces a day or two later is a pleasant surprise.
7. Writing love notes is hard
In part, the reason writing love letters is so difficult is the primitive, emotional part of our brains — the part that experiences love — is far removed, both in distance and in evolutionary development, from the much more recently developed rational, logical, language-producing part of our brain.
Another reason why writing love letters is hard is that love is best expressed in person, through things like an affectionate touch, an act of service, or a subtle smile and glimmer in the eye. (Or just the power of hearing the three simple words — "I love you.")
People fell in love long before writing was developed, so the notion of a "love note" is an interesting paradox, an incongruous coupling of an ancient emotion with a brief statement printed on parchment.
Besides, each person has such unique and personal reasons for loving another person, that it's difficult to find examples you can use. If you've ever had the experience of browsing through dozens of greeting cards looking for the best love letter ever written — or just the right message — then you know just how daunting the task can seem.
Love is life’s greatest gift, which is why people have a passion for love quotes - and we’ve got you covered. When it comes to saying “I love you”, the truth about marriage, or even finding the perfect love quote for your guy, we have all the cute quotes you need.
Dr. Kevin J. Zimmerman provides couples counseling. His therapeutic style is to listen to clients and to establish a trusting relationship, then to work with clients to develop a plan that will improve their relationships and their lives.