Kids Who Feel Safe And Protected When Siblings Pick On Them Have Parents Who Do These 6 Things
A child in distress deserves support, no matter who is bothering them.
Ron Lach | Canva It's natural for siblings to argue, and most of us with brothers or sisters have experienced that phenomenon while growing up. This is not only considered normal, but is a rite of passage in our childhood memories. Who doesn't remember arguing over the remote, the best seat in the car or a variety of other trivial matters?
The problem begins when sibling rivalry takes on a tone of bullying.
Things parents do to protect and support their kids when siblings pick on them
1. They speak frankly
"It is OK to get mad, but not OK to act in a way that is hurtful to someone else," is a clear way to set a boundary with the aggressor. This also tells the victim that you believe they deserve to feel safe.
Make clear what behavior you will not tolerate, and then follow through with consequences.
Intervening in sibling rivalry should be done with careful thought and diligence, as noted by an article in Lancet Psychiatry. Giving siblings the chance to work out their issues and conflicts is important, but when parents are busy or not present, there can be a tendency for one sibling to repeatedly victimize another, and this pattern continues unchecked.
2. They encourage empathy in their home
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A tell-tale sign of bullying is one child is always the victim, and the other child actively plots how they can taunt their sibling. This sort of bullying is not healthy, and good parenting advice is to intervene to minimize anxiety, and depression in the child being victimized.
Parents can model empathy in all their relationships as an example.
3. They help kids work out stress
The problem should also be addressed to stop aggression in their child's bully. Both kids will suffer the loss of good mental and emotional health if bullying behavior is allowed to continue, according to a Journal of Pediatrics study.
Researchers in this study did not include adult relationships, but many adult counselors focus on sibling rivalry and bullying behavior. Sometimes siblings form alliances against one of the other siblings and ostracize them entirely. This behavior can extend well beyond the adolescent years.
You can get both children involved in activities to help them physically work out their frustration or stress, like non-contact sports, hikes, or backyard play.
4. They never compare
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Never compare your children to one another out loud or within earshot Some children are very sensitive to this, and it can increase jealousy and mistrust — of each other, and of you.
5. They encourage communication
Have one area in your home where kids can constructively talk about issues. If you hear bickering in their rooms, take them to the prescribed location, like a kitchen table. Setting up a time each evening for them to bicker in the public sphere can help minimize the behavior.
Many times, the bully tells their sibling victim that if they "tattle" to a parent, there will be consequences. Naturally, a child who is in distress over physical or emotional harm is not a child at their healthiest.
"You know your child better than anyone else," advised counselor Lianne Avila. "If you think there is something wrong, it’s alright to question it. If they are quiet when they come home one day when they are usually loud, ask your child what is wrong. If they insist nothing is wrong, it may be time to check in with the teacher to see how things are going at school."
6. Never referee the fighting or conflict
As much as you can, try to stay out of it. Participating gives the impression you support the behavior.
A child who grew up as a victim of bullying may continually be picked on well into adulthood. It is not uncommon for a parent to begin overprotecting said child, and this dynamic can continue into adulthood. This can lead to a sense of favoritism among family members, as the weaker child often receives extra attention from the parents.
These patterns, unless intervened with in childhood, can forever change family dynamics, making them toxic and uncomfortable for everyone involved.
Parents who teach healthy communication and conflict resolution skills are gifting their children and generations to come. Home is where the heart is, and the heart should feel safe. Children who grow up in a positive, supportive environment are given the tools they need to grow into successful adults.
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is a psychotherapist, author, speaker, and intimacy counselor.