10 Tiny Ways To Be Deeply Intimate In A Long-Distance Relationship
Here's how to keep the relationship alive while being apart.
KIRAYONAK YULIYA | Shutterstock Building emotional and physical intimacy is a key aspect of all healthy romantic relationships and marriages. Intimacy is based on a deep knowledge of one another, which typically comes from spending lots of time together.
That's why learning how to be intimate in a long-distance relationship comes with its own special challenges.
Without spending time together on a regular basis, you miss out on the little details that help define your partner, and vice versa.
You may not know what radio station he listens to in the car, or if he's changed his morning routine. You might not hear about that new friend at work or her favorite new television show.
And while these details may seem unimportant, knowing them undoubtedly makes you feel closer to your partner and helps build and deepen your intimate connection.
Similarly, the comfort, familiarity, and chemical bond you get from being physically close to one another — whether when holding hands, kissing, or sharing intimate experiences — is super important.
Long-distance couples have limited time together, therefore limiting their time to develop a physically intimate relationship.
Some long-distance couples are able to have frequent, long conversations, which helps to overcome some of these challenges. In fact, some of these couples get to know each other quite well with the help of lengthy, late-night phone calls and Skype or FaceTime chats.
Still, without spending time together in person, intimacy can suffer.
To make it just a bit less daunting, here are some tips on how to be intimate in a long-distance relationship.
Here are 10 ways to be deeply intimate in a long-distance relationship:
1. Visit each other at home
Seeing each other is key, so regular visits are a necessity. But, be sure to stay at each other's homes instead of just taking vacation weekends together.
Vacations are great, but they don't give us any insight into our partner's daily life.
As I previously mentioned, intimacy develops from a deep sense of familiarity with your partner — this familiarity starts at home.
2. Become an oversharer
The most important thing you can do to build intimacy while you're apart is talk.
Talk about your day, and ask about your partner's. Talk about the details, however unimportant you think they seem.
3. Video chat daily
Even those with the busiest of schedules can make time for a quick video chat each day.
Being able to see one another daily, even for five minutes, goes a long way toward developing intimacy. The consistent visual connections build familiarity and confidence in knowing one another.
4. Send photos often
Taking photos throughout your day, and sending them instantly is a quick and easy way to share your daily experiences.
It also adds to the transparency of your daily life, which is a key factor in keeping trust alive.
5. Always be willing to learn
No matter how much you try to build intimacy, living apart means there will likely be things about your partner that you don't know.
Whether it's his new favorite beer or her latest work drama, there's often something you have yet to hear about. Recognize this, and try not to let it overpower how much you do know.
Try your best not to get jealous of the people who are in your partner's daily life — people who may know more about the details.
6. Respect the importance of making an effort
Long-distance relationships often require more effort from each partner to keep the relationship healthy. You'll have to make time for each other when you're busy, talk when you don't feel like talking, and spend time and money on travel.
Recognizing this and respecting its importance will make for a healthier, more intimate relationship.
7. Set an intimacy goal for each visit
To make the best of the time you spend together, take time to plan an "intimacy goal" for each visit.
One weekend might be all about staying in bed to develop physical intimacy. Another might be about showing your partner the details of your everyday routine. The next visit might be about meeting local friends.
When you design your visits with the intent to increase intimacy, the visits will likely feel much more fulfilling and bring you much closer than they would otherwise.
8. Fantasize
Instead of trying to forget about the physical intimacy you can't have while you're apart, fantasize about it.
Let your mind create stories that you can share with your partner, and consider acting them out next time you meet.
9. Start the countdown
When you choose to pursue the relationship long-distance, decide how long you'd be able to live apart. Envision your future living together, and create a plan to get there.
Take measurable steps along the way and stick to the plan.
10. Enjoy your personal time
Instead of focusing on how much you want to share every moment with your partner, appreciate the personal time you have while the two of you are apart. Do the things that make you happy, and tell your partner about them. The happier and more comfortable you are as a person, the better you'll be able to communicate with your partner, and the more intimate your relationship will be.
Rebecca A. Marquis is a dating coach and the author of How to Be a Good Boyfriend: 34 Ways To Keep Her From Getting Annoying, Jealous, or Crazy.