A Woman's Guide To Being A Goddess That Men Worship
How to unlock your inner feminine goddess.
raw | Canva Behind every great man is a great woman. This phrase is not an exaggeration. The King's Speech — which I believed would be the best movie in 2011 and it was — puts a spotlight on a piece of history involving the British royal family. What's very penetrating to me is how this one family brings to mind a very important aspect of men-women relations which I call feminine magnetism and what it does to a man. First, the Queen's mother is the embodiment of the very thing I'm talking about. She was such a powerful woman, such a rock to her husband...and to the nation during the war crisis.
Second, Wallis Simpson — the woman the Queen's Mum incidentally (or not) loathed — is but another example of how powerful a woman can be. She was the reason Edward VIII abdicated his throne. What more poignant example is there to show than the one in which a man leaves behind a position of power/high status for a woman he loves and can't live without?
Third, Prince Charles was so in love with the ordinary-looking Camille Parker Bowles and chose her over his beautiful wife, Diana. Fourth, Kate Middleton — Prince William's then-fiancée — is a young woman with irresistible self-confidence. She radiates this aura of "You're lucky to have me as your woman" about his Prince fiancé and to be honest, I do feel that she holds such power over him: that he might not be this lucky again if he loses her — yet again — (they broke up once and 6 weeks later he had to take her back because he couldn't stand seeing her having such a great time being approached by other great men). He might be the future king but the real ruler is her. Just watch.
To get to this place of power there is one thing a woman should realize that our strength is not in our "equality" or our ability to compete with men. Our power lies in our softness and subtle ways of influencing them behind the scenes.
A man by default craves feminine softness and the kind of closeness and intimacy only a woman can give. Once he's hooked, he's not going anywhere. That is how powerful we are. The problem with most relationships is something that starts so sublime and passionate, rapidly begins its downhill slide due to lost feminine-masculine polarity and ignorance of both camps about what each other needs at the most primal level. Couples who start being so adoring of each other remain in a loveless — and intimacy-less — relationship in which what they need to do is merely tolerate each other.
Our miscommunication in relationship boils down to one thing and one thing only: we don't know that we're dealing with a different species. If we are aware of the fact that we are so night-and-day different (see the yin-yang symbol as an exact reference), we will be much more forgiving and don't have unrealistic expectations that our partners will act/think/respond to the way we do.
It feels like you need a man whisperer's guide to understand the basics of why men stop doing the things that melted our hearts at the beginning of the relationship. And it's not that they are just lazy.
Because men don't have their sensitivity chips wired the way ours are, it takes a lot of patience, and frustration, to live with one without the manual. A lot of times a man might feel that he's expected to "do everything" or too much. Women have certain expectations of how men should conduct themselves in relationships, which is fine.
However, too skewed or unrealistic expectations will only mar an otherwise decent relationship. Perhaps because you listen to your single girlfriends too much of what you "deserve" from a "Mr. Right"?
And you notice that why your friends are single, too, right? It is one thing to stick to your boundaries and deal breakers, it's quite another to expect a man to be your everything. He can't be all macho and manly and act like your girlfriend too, you know. He doesn't swing both ways. And neither do you.
So tame those vicious critical little gremlins in your head and just go with the flow. As long as he respects and shows thoughtfulness and consideration in his dealings with you, give the guy a chance and the benefit of the doubt.
The one major reason why women tend to be unhappy in relationships and why men pull away is because they don't know what to do with their unmet expectations. I always advise my clients to shift their vibe first by changing their perspectives on expectations and trying to remove most of them and only stick to a few deal breakers.
The result is almost overnight. The distant or pulling way boyfriends/husbands all of a sudden notice the shift from resentment to alluring softness and respond accordingly. Remember, men don't respond to punishment, they respond to rewards. So lure them with honey, not vinegar.
Katarina Phang is a dating and relationship coach and feminine magnetism expert who has worked with and helped thousands of women from all corners of the world transform their relationships.