7 Sexy Ways To Celebrate Long-Term Love
How to make your long-term relationship feel new again.
Cristina Taranovici, kali9 | Canva If you have young kids, or if you've been married quite a while, you may need some help priming the proverbial pump. Research shows that the juicy feelings associated with romantic love tend to fade after about two years. Fortunately, all it takes is a little imagination to keep your romance alive. Here are seven fun activities couples can do to excite each other and bring novelty back into the relationship. Pick one or two that appeal to you, and discover how a little variety does spice things up.
Here are 7 ways to celebrate long-term love:
1. Pulp non-fiction
Each of you writes a couple paragraphs describing an intimate scene between the two of you — just as it might appear in a pulp fiction novel. Include some fun or romantic activities leading up to the scene. Be as graphic as you can about what each person says, does, feels, thinks, and fantasizes. Then, take turns reading your scene to your partner and see what happens!
2. Save the last dance for me
Take separate cars and go out to a singles bar or dance. Make the rounds a little bit, talking and possibly flirting with several other people. After a while, find a way to approach your partner and introduce yourself as if you are meeting for the first time. There is, of course, the understanding that the two of you will go home together. But the exciting part is you do not know when or how your partner will approach you. Be curious about your partner. Ask questions you have never asked. Try a new pick-up line. Play hard-to-get. Improvise, and be open to surprise.
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3. Go incognito
Go to any public place together — a bookstore, cocktail lounge, or even a shopping mall. As soon as you get there, you will each go to the restroom and come out as a different person. Take on a new persona or identity, such as a different profession or financial status. If you're usually very confident and assertive, try acting shy and vulnerable. If you tend to defer to others, try being bossy or even uptight. You might even want to dress differently. Afterward, talk together about what you liked and didn't like about these new identities. You might even decide to keep some of these new characteristics.
4. Position 11
This is a mutual massage activity designed to give pleasure to both partners at once in the same way. It involves sharing a mutual foot massage — very pleasurable and sensual and possibly even more for some people. Partners lie down on their backs with their heads in opposite directions, so that each can cradle the partner's foot in their hands with the foot resting on their belly or chest. Once you are both comfortable in this position, relax and enjoy receiving the care your partner is giving you, while at the same time massaging one of your partner's feet. Do only one foot at a time, and always be sure to give both feet equal treatment. It is best to use two hands on one foot to provide maximum tender loving care.
5. "I appreciate you for …"
Sharing appreciation is good for the giver as well as the receiver. It expands our capacity for experiencing pleasure. We all like to hear nice things from the ones we love. If we've been together a while, we can easily forget to do this. For several days in a row, agree that you will set aside a few minutes each day to take turns completing the sentence, "I appreciate you for … " Be specific, telling your partner something he or she did, said, wore, smelled like, or looked like. Being specific brings a sense of aliveness and immediacy to what you're saying. Appreciating one another like this can renew your sense of emotional safety, as well as spark a sense of gratitude for what you two have together.
6. The day we met
Take turns sharing your memories of the first time you were aware of feeling attracted to your partner — like your first date or the night you met. Focus on the things that you found most attractive or endearing. You might even hear something you've never heard before. Then talk about any ideas you have for bringing more of this sense of discovery and romance into your current lives.
7. King/queen for a day
Sometimes couples get into a rut where one or both partners feel as if they are constantly compromising or accommodating to the other. This activity offers a playful way to deal with your differing wants and bring novelty back into the relationship. On a pre-arranged day, one of you is designated king or queen. It then becomes that person's role to plan a day together totally centered around the gratification of that person's desires.
The king/queen is encouraged to be bold, even selfish. The king/queen’s partner is encouraged to be as generous and accommodating as you can. The ground rules assume that your partner is committed to pleasing and gratifying all of your wishes (within reason). At some later time, the other partner will be designated king or queen. After each person's turn as king/queen, talk about how easy or difficult it was to shamelessly ask for what you want. And if you can't schedule a whole day, a few hours will work just fine. Besides adding novelty and spice to your relationship, sharing any of these fun activities is a great way to strengthen the love bond between you.
Susan Campbell is a relationship coach who teaches couples to heal old wounds that show up in their adult relationships to awaken true intimacy and connection through powerful exercises.