Men: Stop Making These Same 5 Mistakes In Bed, Please
On behalf of all womankind: Stop.
Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock There are a lot of misconceptions about sex and sexuality, particularly when it comes to women. Understandably, men might be confused.
Unfortunately, many men end up misinformed about how to please their female partners.
As a therapist with more than 25 years of experience, I know that many women endure unsatisfying sex lives without speaking up. And in fairness to all the great men out there, if women don't start talking, how are men supposed to know what to do?
Sure, there are many great lovers out there and there are no rules that apply to everyone. Still, there are some basic ground rules that apply to most women. So in the spirit of helping couples have better sex and better relationships, here are the top five mistakes men make in bed and what they can do differently.
Men: Stop Making These Same 5 Mistakes In Bed, Please
1. You assume that women don't have the same sex drive as men.
Don't believe for a minute that women don't like sex or want sex as much as men. While there are certainly individual differences between both genders, women love sex and want sex; they just don't want bad sex. So if your girlfriend or wife is turning you down, the first thing to ask is how can you make it better for her, not how can you get her to take better care of satisfying your sexual needs.
2. You head right for her genitals and skip foreplay.
A woman enjoys the pleasure of her entire body being touched and caressed. She enjoys being kissed and seduced. She especially enjoys feeling the anticipation of finally arriving "down there." Take the time to work your way slowly down a woman's entire body.
By the time you reach her clitoris, she will be in heaven. Don't rush foreplay. Make sure you enjoy the journey as well; a woman knows when her man loves and appreciates every inch of her body. Nothing turns on a woman more than knowing her man is turned on by touching, caressing, and kissing her everywhere.
3. You treat her clitoris like a penis.
A woman's body is different from that of a man. Don't try to treat her genitals like you treat your own. Find out what kinds of touch feel best. Take your time so she does not feel rushed. Don't move on to intercourse too quickly.
Most women enjoy orgasms via clitoral stimulation before vaginal penetration. Of course, that doesn't mean a woman can't enjoy another orgasm during intercourse. But remember: every woman is different; some have vaginal orgasms and some don't.
4. You begin and end foreplay as quickly as possible.
Foreplay goes on 24/7 for a woman. The more attentive you are to her overall needs, the more connected she feels. The more connected she feels, the more responsive she will be to sexual advances.
If your mate is tired from a long day and you're in the mood for sex, run a nice hot bath for her, put the kids to bed and that tired "leave me alone" mood will shift. Nurturing your woman is the best aphrodisiac you can find. Be a great partner to your mate and your mate will be a great lover in return.
5. You only have sex your way.
Most men take the lead in sexual encounters. And for some, even when a woman does take the initiative to do sex differently (her way), she's redirected to how he wants it. Sometimes this can be a match and sometimes it isn't. Don't assume that just because you saw a woman moan on a porn site that this is what your woman will enjoy.
Women don't want to feel like they have to look and act like porn stars. Women tend to have their own preferences on how they like to have sex. Make sure you find out what pleases your mate. And let her run the show from time to time. Make sure her needs are being met.
Julie Orlov is a psychotherapist, consultant, speaker, and author of “The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery.”