5 Signs The Divorced Man You're Dating Is A Keeper
You can learn a lot about a man from his last marriage.
Getty Past behavior is like a map into a person's personality. You can learn a lot about a person by looking at his/her past, especially when it comes to relationships and dating.
Sure, people can hide their quirks or act "out of character" for short periods of time. But over the long term, our true personalities take hold. This can be especially true in the midst of dating a divorced man.
What should I know about dating a divorced man?
One study says that you can tell if someone is a keeper based on whether he's sensitive, cooperative, and supportive. Presumably, therefore, when a marriage ends in divorce, we can infer that one or both partners lacked those traits, but not necessarily.
Of course, you should look out for red flags, like if his ex-wife still lives with him, or he's still wearing his wedding ring.
You should also know that only around 10-15% of divorced couples get back together and about 6% of those reunited couples remarry.
How do you tell if a divorced man loves you?
Since divorced men have gone through the whole dating-to-marriage journey, they understand what gets them there and what doesn't when it comes to long-term relationships. They also know what they will or won't put up with.
The signs a divorced man loves you include being kind, honest, and openly communicating with you; in fact, they can be predictors that he may be ready to marry again and sees you an his future wife.
It's important to know that he needs time to heal and grow past his divorce before opening his heart once more.
While it varies from person to person, it takes an average of six months to two years to get over a divorce. While that's not always the case, it may take him some time to date after divorce and move forward with his life.
Is it good to marry a divorced man?
It really depends on how you feel about his situation. If you're okay with your man having an ex-wife, and if you're okay with her being in the picture if they have children together, there's nothing wrong with dating a divorced guy!
On the other hand, a divorced man may be more invested in making his current relationship (with you) work since he already has a failed one in his past.
He also knows what commitment means and looks like. He most likely has learned from his mistakes, so he will have a good idea of how to appreciate you.
If you're dating a divorced guy, how can you tell if he was the one in his past relationship or marriage who lacked those essential traits? If he has these five personality traits, you can rest assured that he will make a good partner.
Here are 5 signs that the divorced man you're dating is a keeper.
1. He's a good dad.
People who make successful partners are also successful parents, and vice versa.
A good, immediate indication that he's a good parent is if he will not allow you to meet his children until he feels the relationship has potential. This shows he is protective and sensitive of his kids.
And should you have children in the future, his relationship with your kids will be a top priority.
2. He handled his divorce gracefully.
As he talks about his divorce, listen to the words he uses.
Was he trying to be collaborative and fair or combative and manipulating? If he was collaborative and fair, it is a good sign he's cooperative. And this is exactly the attitude you should want in a partner.
3. He speaks respectfully about his ex.
Also, if he describes the decision to divorce as being mutual, it is a good sign he's supportive. It's best to experience and observe your divorced man's actions over a long period of time to determine if he's a keeper.
But you can get a good initial indication of his personality map by watching how he is as a dad, asking how he handled his divorce, and listening to how he describes his ex-wife.
Knowing the answers to these questions will help you determine if your divorced boyfriend has good personality traits and is long-term relationship material.
4. He's an open book.
Open book doesn't mean he always talks about his ex or its toxicity. It means that he is willing to share and wants you to get to know him.
Whether it's answering any questions you have about the reasons behind his divorce, or the ways in which he has learned and grown from his past, by willingly opening up to you, he is showing he is interested in you.
If a guy is not only willing but encouraging himself to talk about the most difficult aspects of his previous relationship, it means he strongly values communication which is a firm foundation for any relationship.
5. He keeps his word.
In today's world, people throw around promises all the time and hardly ever keep them. If this man who you've dated for a bit has kept to his word on several occasions, that's a rare gem indeed.
It means he's authentic and isn't putting on a show for you. He says he will do something and he does it. That's a sign of honor and commitment, making him definite boyfriend material.
Whether it's meeting him at a bar or meeting him through online dating, if you love him and he loves you, a divorced man is the perfect choice.
Bruce Smith and Roge Revak are the co-founders of Divorced Guys, a network created to share information between men to make divorce less impacting on men through education, advocacy, support and industry change.