Psychology Says Women Who Master These 7 Skills End Up The Happiest After Their Divorce
Sometimes, the only person who will be there for you after your divorce is yourself.
Alexander Suhorucov | Canva There are times when you need to distract yourself. Times when a glass or two of wine just doesn’t cut it, and all your friends are out for the evening or just plain tired of hearing about your divorce.
These are the times when you need to become creative to circumvent the possibility of doing something stupid like signing up, yet again, for a dating app. The tumultuous ups and downs of post-divorce angst mixed with the strains of alternating self-loathing and self-pity make for a head-splitting cocktail.
Psychology says women who master these 7 skills end up the happiest after their divorce:
1. You find the perfect scent that makes you feel like yourself again.
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The great thing about spritzing your favorite perfume, even if you do so while hanging out in your pajamas, is that it will make you feel like you’re all dressed up!
And unlike the scent of your ex-husband's aftershave, your scent won’t trigger your olfactory system, bringing back the memories you’d rather keep buried beneath the layers of rage and disdain you still harbor for him. Psychology states that smell can trigger memories.
2. You put on your favorite pearls.
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Or your favorite bracelet or earrings or all of the above. Playing dress-up will make you feel like you’re stepping into someone else’s shoes for a few moments, and when you’re feeling blue, anybody’s shoes are better than the ones you’ve been walking around in.
Dressing up can improve your confidence, one study states.
3. You spend quality time with your true loves: your pets.
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Play with your dog, take her for a walk, give her a good brushing, and give her a treat.
Or tease your cat, talk to your bird, feed your fish, or chase your ferret around the living room.
The beauty of spending quality time with a furry, finned, or feathered friend is that they’re excellent listeners and don’t talk back; didn’t you get more than enough of that from your ex? Research from 2018 even tells us that playing with pets can reduce stress.
4. You listen to music that makes you feel alive.
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Put on your favorite music and play it at full blast while you dance around your house like a mad woman. Nothing shakes the blues loose like a good spate of frenzied, sweat-induced dancing.
Plus, you can sing along at the top of your lungs, a great stress reliever. Hopefully, your neighbors won’t call the cops, and you’ll feel much better. According to 2013 research, listening to music can boost your mood.
5. You cook food that makes you happy.
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I can go overboard in the food department sometimes, especially when a fire that I can’t seem to douse is burning in my head. So my trick for having my cake and eating it, too, is to keep some frozen cookie dough on hand from which I can bake just a few cookies at a time.
That way, I can indulge without overdoing it. It feels decadent and satisfies that urge to eat everything that isn’t nailed down. Baking can be good for your mental health, one 2021 study claims.
6. You take time to write your feelings down, just for yourself.
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Nothing will clear the cobwebs of confusion and angst like a good old-fashioned journaling session.
Research from 2022 tells us journaling can help improve mental health. Write about all the angst, anger, and confusion that’s swirling around in your head or, better yet, write the letter to your ex that says everything you’re still harboring in the deepest, darkest confines of your heart and then burn it or tear it into a million pieces.
Little rituals like this will free you from the unwanted burdens your thoughts have probably become. Lose a few pounds of pent-up frustrations; negative thoughts weigh you down more than you think they do.
7. You treat yourself to a mani-pedi whenever you want.
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Nothing makes you feel better than a manicure. Even if you don’t have the spare cash to paint and polish your nails, you can opt for the do-it-yourself version of this spa treatment. It cures all your man troubles (hence the name man-i-cure) if only for a few minutes, and even when you’re naked, you’re all dressed up.
I could go on and on, but this is where I hand you the reins of creative stress management by encouraging you to write a list of your own. Even something as simple as going out and buying a hat you’ll never wear or trying on a dozen different wigs, none of which you’d be caught dead in, could be a great boon for your soul.
And believe me, these acts will save you from doing something stupid like pretending you know how to cut and color your hair, which is dangerous territory to embark on, even when you’re feeling okay.
Rachel Gladstone is a writer whose work has regularly appeared in Dish Magazine and Divorced Moms. She is the author of a book about aging, menopause, and trying to find a solution for hot flashes.