The Innocent Behavior That Destroys Relationships, According To Research
The behavior that destroys your chance at love — and your health, too.
Budgeron Bach | Canva Do you know how you make healthy New Year's resolutions every year like, eat more broccoli or using my gym membership? You might even make these resolutions before the new academic year picks up in September, or before your schedule gets more hectic in the fall after the lazy days of August. Well, this year, add a new one to the list.
The innocent behavior that destroys relationships is lying, even white lies.
Anita Kelly, a psychology professor at the University of Notre Dame, gathered a group of participants in 2012 ranging in age from 18 to 71 and randomly divided the group in half.
Half of the study subjects were instructed to stop telling any sort of lies. The other half, the control group, didn't get any special instructions.
Both groups came into the lab weekly to submit to a polygraph test about the number of lies they told that week and to answer questions about their health and relationship status.
"We found that the participants could purposefully and dramatically reduce their everyday lies and that in turn was associated with significantly improved health," says Kelly.
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The research found the no-lies group not only reported feeling less tense and melancholy but experienced fewer minor health issues like sore throats and headaches.
Another study published in Current Opinion in Psychology concluded that avoiding lying can significantly improve mental and physical health. Studies show that people who deliberately reduce their lying behavior report fewer instances of stress, anxiety, headaches, and overall enhanced relationships.
This suggests that honesty contributes to better well-being and social connections. This is often attributed to the reduced stress associated with maintaining a lie and the positive impact on trust within relationships.
Although the control group didn't have specific instructions to stop lying, researchers found that during the weeks in which they told fewer lies, they also experienced fewer mental and physical health issues.
The study also found that lying affected participants' relationships for the worse.
Those in the no-lies group found their relationships and social interactions improved — and better relationships mean better health.
A study published in Communications Psychology concluded that lying significantly damages relationships by undermining trust, creating feelings of insecurity, and hindering intimacy. People who lie to their partners are less likely to feel close to them, leading to decreased relationship satisfaction and potential conflict. Even small lies can erode trust over time, making it difficult to build a healthy connection.
"Statistical analyses showed that this improvement in relationships significantly accounted for the health improvement that was associated with less lying," says Lijuan Wang, the study's co-author.
At the end of the study, participants found that not lying was not as challenging as they thought. Food for thought when you next think about "embellishing" the truth to your partner, even if it's a white lie.
A 2013 study explained that lying often requires additional cognitive effort to construct a false narrative, manage conflicting emotions, and maintain consistency with previous statements.
This makes it a more complex process than simply telling the truth. The brain's tendency to adapt to dishonest behavior further complicates this, making it easier to lie over time with repeated practice.
Caitlyn Hitt is a freelance writer and editor whose work has been featured in Thrillist, Romper, the New York Daily News, and more.