How To Get A Man To Be More Romantic
Setting him up for success sets you up for happiness.
Chiến Phạm | Unsplash Karen has had it with her boyfriend, Jeff. He just doesn't get it. To get the kind of romance and special treatment she wants, Karen has to drop blatant hints, and even then, he only occasionally understands she'd like him to surprise her with flowers, a compliment, or dinner out.
This relationship feels like so much work, and Karen wonders if it's worth it. Does it ever feel like you need to tell him you need more romance?
Maybe you are opposites, and your differences are what drew you to one another in the first place. But now it feels like those differences make it impossible for you to communicate and connect.
Here's how to get a man to be more romantic.
1. Don't think he's a mind reader.
You end up disappointed and frustrated often, and you are at a loss about how to get him to be more romantic. Your partner seems utterly clueless about what you like, what you want from the relationship, and who you are. Even if you and your partner aren't all that different, it can still feel like something essential is missing.
Your partner should know you wanted chocolate instead of vanilla ice cream. He should've remembered today was your big presentation at work and taken you to dinner to celebrate. She should've understood that going out with your buddies tonight was important to you and that your movie night could be rescheduled.
It's a trap that many of us fall into. You are probably well aware of what you prefer and want from your partner, and you act as if your partner is somehow instantly aware of this, too. He is most likely not. Your partner is not a mind reader.
This isn't a sign he doesn't love and care about you. It just means your partner is a unique and separate person. Your partner lives in a different body with different likes, dislikes, moods, and experiences.
Even if you have been together a long time, he still won't be a mind reader. This is an invitation never to stop discovering who you are and letting your partner about those discoveries as well.
2. Don't believe he is an uncaring idiot.
If you feel misunderstood or as if you and your partner come from different planets, this is a prime breeding ground for resentment, arguments, and maybe even cheating or breaking up.
It can be a real downer when you want to tell him you need more romance, and it doesn't happen. It can feel like a personal insult or as an indication that your guy isn't capable of clueing into you.
The result of believing he is an uncaring idiot is you treat him as one. You come off as patronizing and sarcastic or pull away from him because of this belief. Acknowledge when you feel dissatisfied or if something is lacking in your relationship.
You must figure out what, at your core, you want. Then, talk with your partner about this in a way that isn't blaming, critical, or a put-down.
3. Communicate when he's available.
When you do talk about wanting him to be more romantic (whether it's a "big" or a "small" thing), make sure he is truly free to listen and engage with you. A mistake that many couples make is trying to communicate when one (or both) of them is otherwise occupied. If your guy is doing the dishes, surfing the Internet, or texting, that is not the time to talk.
Sit down and ask him, "Are you free to talk with me for a few minutes now?" or, "I'd like to talk about plans for this weekend. When could you be free to talk about that?" When you both are focused on the conversation, it's amazing how can communicate more effectively.
4. Be clear, specific, and consistent.
If your man seems clueless about what you like and want from your relationship, it could reflect your words and actions. First and foremost, make sure you are clear with yourself about what you want. Don't unintentionally send out conflicting or mixed messages.
Try to catch inconsistencies with what you say and do so he will have an easier time understanding you. When you tell him you need more romance, be specific about what you have in mind, and if there's a time frame involved, say what that is exactly.
It is irritating when you feel like you've sent the message loud and clear that you like or want something in your relationship, and your partner doesn't hear or follow through. Sometimes, our men (and women, too) act clueless. For various reasons, they completely miss what you've said or don't respond in a way you'd like.
Tell him you want more romance in an honest, consistent, and upfront way instead of thinking he knows what you want. This is simple advice that yields phenomenal results when you want him to be more romantic.
Susie and Otto Collins are Certified Transformative Coaches who help awaken love and possibilities in your life.