The Men Who Love Porn And The Women Who Love Them
A response to men's obsession with porn and the women who think they'll never measure up
getty While men enjoy and seek out the fantasy, not all men look to pressure their partners to be more like the porn stars they covet. There is an acknowledgment among many men that their partner and their love relationship isn't necessarily built for the script of your typical erotic film.
Do men fantasize about their lover being in provocative and tantalizing situations as suggested by the porn they watch? Absolutely! But the difference between what they dream about and what they expect is where fantasy and reality divide.
I'm reminded of the old saying, "You can't make a whore into a housewife." While this may be true, it doesn't stop a man from fantasizing about his woman doing whore-ish things. His desires don't have to make you feel as though you don't quite measure up, however.
The best thing you can do for yourself and your relationship is to stop using porn stars as your measuring stick and explore these three simple steps to raise the bar in your sexual relationship.
1. Have an open conversation with your partner about healthy sexual expectations.
You may find that what they want to try may not be as out there as you think. Take baby steps in exploring new possibilities in expanding your sexual relationship. And only proceed at a pace you both feel comfortable with.
2. Separate your feelings about yourself from his feelings about you.
His porn use doesn't necessarily mean that he thinks poorly of you or your sexual abilities. If you do determine that your partner's porn use is causing or contributing to your lowered self-esteem, you may want to seek out Individual, couples, or sex therapy.
3. Look "inward" rather than "outward" to turn each other on.
Realize that what turns you on, may not turn on your mate and vice versa and that in many cases, that's ok. Remember that men tend to be more visually stimulated and porn is, well, visual. Women tend to be more mentally and emotionally stimulated which is the reason romance novels are more popular with women (and if you think about it, they can be equally as pornographic mentally).
Both are fantasy and can take you to a place that you've never gone in your sexual relationship.
Think about what turns your partner on, and if you're both concentrating on each other, you'll soon find yourself in a happy sexual relationship.