How Do I Tell My Father I'm Engaged?

Kate loves her dad but she is faced with a huge communication challenge because she thinks that he believes at 26, she is still daddy's little girl, but she isn't. She needs to tell him that she plans to get married and she doesn't know how. You Are What You Eat! 6 Libido Boosting Foods To Fuel Your Sexy

After two and a half years of dating, Kate and her boyfriend, Jason, are ready, both emotionally and financially, to get engaged and set a wedding date. Her mom is finally convinced but her dad has never really considered her boyfriend to be worthy of notice. Kate thinks that problem is that her parents are having trouble with her leaving the nest because she is the first child. However, in this family, people apparently need to guess each other's thoughts instead of talking to each other, so no wonder she is afraid to talk to her dad. 9 Reasons Why You Should Appreciate Your Dad

He isn't used to talking about anything serious with her, so she has never learned to have a conversation with him and instead, she has to guess what he is thinking. Up until now she has been a good girl and never challenged him; now she is imagining that she is really going to upset him and she doesn't want to.

The truth is that she is making up a story about what her dad is thinking and why her dad has never had a real conversation with his future son-in-law. Kate isn't unusual; in the absence of information we all make up stories to try to make sense of the world around us.

The problem is not the fact that we make up stories about each other: the problem is that we don't make up enough different stories. Let me explain. We make up one story, believe it, and use it to guide our actions. We rarely wonder whether the story we make up is true, we just assume that it is. Here is what Kate needs to do:

1. She needs to make up more stories and imagine as many different positions her father could take as she possibly can. For instance:

• He is upset because she wants to leave the nest.
• He thinks no man is good enough for his daughter.
• He is shy and has no idea how to talk to any young man she dates.
• He is secretly wishing for her to leave home so he can turn her room into his den.
• He is worried about the current state of the world and wants to protect her.
• He has been secretly observing Jason and is very happy with her choice.
• He is expecting her announcement and waiting for it.

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2. She should create a few more silly or outlandish things her dad might be thinking. Hopefully, by now, she will realize that she doesn't really know as much about her dad as she thinks she does.

3. Kate needs to find a creative way to share the process with him. She could make a father's day card that lists all the possibilities and starts with "I wonder what you would think if I told you that Jason and I want to get married." Then list the possibilities: "you would be…" and ask him to check the correct answers. She could also just have the conversation starting with "Dad, I think you know how much I love you, but I really don't understand you. I keep making up stories about what I imagine you are thinking. Could you tell me if any of these stories are true?" Lastly, Kate and Jason could approach her dad together and simply tell him the truth and ask for his blessing.

Kate should also act like the grownup she is and recognize that she doesn't really know whether or not he will be upset. Even if he is, nothing terrible is likely to happen. He will eventually get used to the idea and he will continue to be her dad.

Doing these conversation planning exercise will help Kate or anyone else prepare for any communication challenge, especially when it involves an important relationship. It will also help Kate learn to have the challenging conversations that every couple faces as they learn to grow and nurture a successful and loving marriage. What Men REALLY Think About Spending A TON On Your Engagement Ring

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