7 BIG Signs You're Watching Waaay Too Much Porn

Article written by By Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD

Is porn an innocent pastime or an international obsession? According to an Extreme Tech report, 30 percent of all internet traffic involves browsers visiting pornographic websites. With the largest and most popular adult porn site getting 4.4 billion page views per month, singles and couples are spending a lot of time in the world of triple X.

Add to this the fact that, while a typical news site has an average visit of three to six minutes, the average amount of time spent on a porn site is 15 to 20 minutes, and this has people asking: How much is "too much" porn? 

Regardless of how much time is devoted to XXX activities, individuals and couples may indulge in porn for a number of the same reasons. Among the more positive incentives are: enhancing masturbation, spicing up one's sex life, sharing intimate moments and stress relief.

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Reasons that can be cause for concern include accessing porn when you're in a committed, but sexless relationship, or turning to porn because you're unable to become intimately involved with another human.

With therapists reporting an increased number of clients presenting porn-related problems (case in point: 50 percent of the divorce cases for 2002 involved porn), the impact of porn has been raising more and more concern. Professionals and lay people alike want to know if there is such a thing as too much porn. If so, what are some of the signs that you or your partner are too into it?

Some indicators that a porn habit is becoming problematic include the following:

1. You're becoming anti-social.

You'd rather lose yourself in porn than be out socializing and meeting other people. You're excusing yourself from all sorts of activities or are becoming known for unexplained absences. Even if you do manage to get out with humans, you find yourself preoccupied with the porn the second you get home. During family and couple obligations, you find yourself concocting strategies for leaving as soon as possible.

2. You have an inability to be intimate with others.

You're becoming increasingly aware that porn is taking precedence over your desire and abilities to develop or cultivate a relationship with another. You're spending more time with pornography than socializing with and meeting other people. Overall, your porn obsession is starting to cause family, work, legal, and/or spiritual problems, especially as you're having more trouble accounting for your time.

3. You're lying to your partner.

While you were once open with your lover, you can now describe your interactions as ones defined by secrecy and dishonesty in trying to hide your passion for porn. Like the other 70 percent of people who keep their porn use a secret, you're going to great lengths to cover your tracks.

When questioned about your absences, activities or porn use and curiosities, you're willing to do and say anything as not to fess up and risk losing this now major part of your life.

4. You're only getting turned on to porn stars.

As your obsession with fantasy characters grows, you're finding it hard to get turned on to real people, at least beyond wondering what he'd look like naked or how good she'd look in a sexual position or act. If you're involved, you no longer consider your partner attractive — at least not sexually.

In fact, you think that there's something "wrong" with your partner for not looking or acting like a porn star. A major consequence: you're avoiding or are totally uninterested in having sex with your partner, and are not nearly as physically affectionate as you once were.

5. You're becoming increasingly critical of yourself.

You've become fixated on how you compare to porn stars. Are you as well hung? Are your breasts as big? Are you, generally, as attractive? You're objectifying yourself and others. In sizing yourself up against fantasy characters, you're making yourself miserable and sexually insecure in the process.

6. You have an inability to find anything outside of porn erotic.

Your sexual response and desire cannot be activated unless you're using porn, to the point that you may even be having problems reaching orgasm or attaining erection. When you do have sex, you may be rougher or more demanding, and/or using more degrading language than what is the norm for you.

Other factors that used to have you feeling ravenous, including romance and emotional closeness, don't elicit any kind of reaction from you. Frustrated, you'd rather lose yourself in porn than work on becoming present with and aroused by your partner or a non-pornographic stimulus.

7. You're dissatisfied with your sex life.

With your expectations around sex, lovers, and intimacy now warped, you're bored with your own reality. You need more and more stimulation to get sexually excited and experience any kind of release. You're preoccupied with porn and are emotionally distant with your lover. Your sole interest is anything that resembles pornography and its stars.

Even if none or most of these signs of "too much" porn use don't ring true for you, you may want to consider consulting a certified sex therapist or counselor if:

• You're experiencing psychological and emotional distress because of your porn consumption, whether because it conflicts with your value system or the consequences of its use ultimately have you feeling anger, shame, loneliness, depression, irritability, and unrest.
• You're engaging in risky behaviors, like unprotected sex or engaging in illegal activities (e.g., hiring prostitutes).
• You're seeking out porn that's harmful, inappropriate and disturbing, like porn involving children, violence and animals.
• You're neglecting life's day-to-day demands, like work.
• You're having trouble calming down and sleeping, with your moods and interests vastly different.
• You're unable to maintain a healthy relationship because you're so into porn.
• The use of porn is causing problems in your relationship (e.g., your partner equates porn use with having an affair).

In assessing the situation, keep in mind that you can't put too much weight on any one factor. The cause for a sexual disorder, for example, can be due to a host of factors that have nothing to do with your porn use. You need to look at the bigger picture, including the label of "sex pervert" that society often puts on porn enthusiasts.

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You may not have a problem or be consuming too much porn, but other people's issues with such erotica can be influencing how you view this form of erotica, whether as an occasional indulgence or hobby. "Too much" is ultimately very individual, with some people having no problems handling such materials at all.