Matchmaker Reveals 3 'Fantasies' You Must Give Up To Find 'The One'
The best man for you likely isn't perfect, but neither are you.
mediaphotos, Marco Lima, Danylana | Canva No, this isn’t a diatribe about the ratio of men to women and how some women will inevitably go without an eligible guy because of the numbers game. We all know women get married every day of the week. Why not you?
This is about how women take themselves out of the game without even knowing it. You are attractive and funny — so why is she getting married and not you? What does she have (or know) that you don’t?
Here are 3 'fantasies' you must give up to find 'the one', as revealed by a matchmaker:
1. You're in a fantasy relationship.
Smart women don’t do fantasy relationships! If the man is not pursuing you, he doesn’t want you. Move on!
So, what is a fantasy relationship? When you have a crush on, are dating, or you're in a "relationship" with a man who is not going to marry you! And you know this, but you stay anyway, dreaming of what might happen ... someday ... with this man. If you're already involved with a man and know he's not interested in committing ... GET OUT!
Or, perhaps you're waiting around for your gorgeous boss (co-worker, neighbor, girlfriend’s brother, insert whoever he is) to ask you out. You think he's attracted to you. You hope he's on the verge of asking you out for a real date, not just the flirtatious lunch date you have once a month. You've waited for two years for something to happen because you're "secretly in love with him." He stares at you when he thinks you're not looking. He gave you a bonus last Christmas. You think he might even be the Secret Santa that left the teddy bear for you. SO WHAT!!!
Lordn via Shutterstock
Honey, if he hasn’t asked you out on a real date, forget it! Move on! Stop waiting around for a man who does not consistently express interest in really dating you. Don’t waste your time. And please, please, please don’t pass up a date with a real guy because you're waiting on Mr. Crush to make a move. That's a waste of precious time.
2. You've fallen for a fantasy man.
You spend your days pining for the man of your dreams. Research from 2018 supports that you may want him to look like Shemar Moore, have a Ph.D., make a zillion dollars, have perfect teeth, enjoy the same reality shows you like, send you roses every week, and be as spiritual as TD Jakes! Come on!
And even if he has perfect teeth, sends you roses every week, is as spiritual as TD Jakes, but also looks like TD Jakes, you don’t want him. You don’t think he's handsome enough.
Half of you would never look twice at TD if he asked you out at bible study on Wednesday night, even though you say you want a man just like him. Because he doesn’t look like your fantasy guy.
3. You're in a fantasy (of denial) about yourself.
You want a perfect man with a long list of amazing qualities, but you don’t have half of them yourself! Are you as spiritual as Serita Jakes, TD’s wife? So why should he want you? You want Shemar Moore, but do you look like Halle Berry?
This is another fantasy that's hindering you from meeting a great man. You think you're more desirable than you are. You were a "10" at 20-years old. But now? Even if you were to meet your fantasy man, would he notice you? Would you make his cut? Maybe.
Take a good, hard look at yourself. Is there room for improvement? What do you need to change about yourself to land the pretty boy? And are you prepared to fight off all the other Halles chasing him? (Some of you ladies like your pretty boys, but forget that pretty boys come with pretty boy (playa) drama.)
Or perhaps you do have a lot going on in your life. Halle Berry looks, Serita Jakes spirituality, plus Martha Stewart in the home and Cathy Hughes in the boardroom. And you know it! And you think you deserve the cream of the crop. No man can touch you because you're better, smarter, more spiritual, and two steps ahead of him. You’re unobtainable, as shown in a Journal of Family and Consumer Sciences study.
You’ve tried internet dating, speed dating, and matchmaking services, but no one meets your high standard. Ever. Congrats on being so fabulous, but you're still alone.
Reality Check
Look, I'm not telling you to settle. But where is he? How long will you wait? You’re pushing 40 years old and you're still looking for him. You keep turning down perfectly nice guys for a fantasy that is not coming.
Whether you struggle with one or more of the above issues, there is hope! You can make a change at any time. Once you realize you're living in a fantasy, choose to snap out of it! Do some work on yourself. The best man for you likely isn't perfect. And neither are you.
As a matchmaker, I meet great guys, who would make fantastic husbands and fathers, all the time. And they're all looking for a wonderful woman. So he drives a Maxima instead of a Mercedes! So what if he doesn’t have the best fashion sense? You can help him with that! Just because he took you to Ruby Tuesdays instead of a 5-star restaurant doesn’t mean he's not worth a second date.
Come on, ladies. Give a guy a real chance. Try three dates with him. That’s all I’m asking. You might find you like him and have more in common than you thought.
Great guys are everywhere. And if you squint just a tad, he might start to kind of look like your fantasy man. But even better, because he is a real, living, obtainable man who likes you, he likely wants to get married.
Hopefully to you!
Kiki Strickland, The Diva Matchmaker, is a Matchmaker and Certified Relationship Coach for Singles (CRCS) and author of A Divas Guide to Dating. She is passionate about helping smart, successful, singles who have a difficult time finding and keeping love.