3 Powerful Parenting Secrets

"I want a cookie! I want a cookie!" Whether we hear this statement from our own child or somebody else's, the screams can be heard echoing across the grocery store. Fast forward to teen years, and the shouting turns into, "I want clothes! I need a car!" What's a parent to do? How can we extinguish these battles and make our lives a little more peaceful?

Throw in a few modern day statistics and we can see how these top secret parenting tips are much needed. Today there are approximately 13 million single parent families. Almost one-third of custodial single mothers and their children live in poverty. The number of children being raised by grandparents or other extended family members is at an all-time high. 

An Old Chinese Proverb states, "Parents who are afraid to put their foot down usually have children who tread on their toes." Clearly some form of structure is needed to keep the peace and limit the chaos. With these 3 powerful parenting secrets, you do not need to yell or scold, but you do need to be consistent and firm.

3 Powerful Parenting Secrets:

1.  Broken Record—The philosophy behind the "broken Record" technique is that we do not want to fuel the arguments and the battles with our children. This technique is extremely powerful as long as you stay consistent with it and remember to use it whenever possible. Broken record technique is best used when a child is begging, screaming or nagging. It can be used to extinguish almost any behavior that is not positive. Broken record can be beneficial with toddlers, children and/or teens.

How does it work? The parent responds to the negative behavior with a very simple and calm statement. As the child continues the negative behavior, the parent simply repeats the exact same statement in the same intonation. The parent must remain calm and consistent, almost like a broken record.

Example:
Prior to Broken Record:
Child: "I WANT CANDY!" (shouting)
Parent: "No, let's go."
Child: "But, I want candy!" (crying)
Parent: "Come on, no candy.  Put it down!" (increasingly more irritated!)
Child: "I WANT CANDY! I WANT CANDY!"
Parent: "We need to go home now. Ok, let's go!"
Child:  "BUT I WANT THIS CANDY!" (kicking the ground)
Parent: "Ok, ok, fine I'll get it." (very irritated at this point)

With Broken Record in Action:
Child: "I WANT CANDY!"
Parent: "No candy today." (maintain calm)
Child: "But, I want CANDY!"
Parent: "No candy today." (maintain calm)
Child: "I WANT CANDY! I WANT CANDY!"
Parent: "No candy today." (maintain calm)
...and eventually the child gives up. Over time, the technique becomes easier and more effective. 

The broken record technique works because the child gets bored and learns that whining and begging does not help him or get the desired object.

2.  Determination—When faced with difficult parenting battles, we must maintain our determination as parents. Parent-child battles can be extremely harrowing, so it is easy to see why we might just throw our hands up in the air and give up. And whether we verbalize that we are giving up, or we just feel like giving up internally, our children can see it. Our children know us and they can read us. Children have a way of knowing whether they will win the battle or not.

With determination, we emotionally feel the strength to extinguish the negative behaviors. It does not require yelling or shouting, but internal strength that we have power in the situation. It is common for parents to worry or stress about potential power struggles with their children, but by having the internal determination we can stop it.

3.  Focus On the Positive and Eliminate the Negative—Just head to your local grocery store and you can probably find examples of parents rewarding a screaming child with some form of attention. Often what children want the most is just to have their parent pay them some form of attention. How much of the crying is legitimate and how much of it is feigned?

An eye opening statistic states that only 75% of mothers and about 50% of fathers hug their school age child on a daily basis. It is no surprise that children decide to "act out" in order to get their parents to pay attention to them. By focusing attention on children when they are being good, it is less likely that they will feel the need to "act out" for us to run over and talk to them. Focus on your children when they are being good, and pay less attention when they are exhibiting the less than desirable behaviors such as whining.

By employing these 3 parenting secrets in your daily life, you will start seeing more positive and less negative behaviors in your child. Maintain consistency with the 3 secrets and don't give up!