Woman Explains Her Decision To End Her Engagement Because Her Fiancé Might Get Sick In The Future
She is struggling to come to terms with her decision.
Stokkete / Shutterstock Before marriage, couples usually engage in discussions involving financial decisions, having children, and how they will handle obstacles.
Sometimes these conversations can be difficult surrounding heavy subjects including potential illnesses that one or the other could contract.
For one woman, the risk of a potential illness her fiance may inherit proved to be too much for her, and she came to a heartbreaking decision regarding her engagement.
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The woman decided to break off her engagement after discovering that her fiancé is at risk for a devastating disease.
Sharing her story on Reddit's r/TrueOffMyChest, the woman explained how she came to terms with the difficult decision.
She began her post by revealing that she and her fiancé had been together for five years.
“He's the love of my life and I literally can't imagine being without him,” the woman wrote. “So the thought of doing this is making my stomach roll.”
The woman shared that her fiancé had been adopted at birth and knew little about his biological family for most of his life, including his medical history.
Recently, he was able to get in touch and meet up with his biological brother, who shared concerning news with him.
“[He] found out that his birth father had passed from Huntington's disease,” the woman wrote.
Huntington’s Disease is a progressive brain disorder that causes uncontrolled movements, emotional problems, and loss of thinking ability. It is an inherited disease that typically presents itself in a person’s late thirties or forties.
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While the disease can be treated, there is no known cure.
“There's a 50% chance that my fiancé also has the genetic defect that causes Huntington's,” the woman wrote.
However, her fiancé refuses to get tested to know for sure. His decision is one that is deeply affecting the woman as they disagree on the matter.
“It's not the disease I'm scared of, it's the not knowing,” the woman admitted. “If we know he'll get it, we can prepare financially, practically, and emotionally.”
Her fiancé feels differently. “He says a positive test result will hold him back from living his life,” she wrote.
The woman wants to plan ahead for the potential future she and her fiance could face. “How can we live with this giant maybe looming over us?” she wondered.
“How can I make smart decisions on where to live, how to budget, or even whether or not to have biological children with this man if I'm not allowed to have all the facts?”
Due to all of the stress and the unknown, the woman felt as if she had no choice but to break off the engagement.
“I respect his decision, but I can't understand or accept it,” she wrote. “I have literally no one I can talk to about this because it's his f–king secret and not mine to tell.”
The woman added that if she discovered her fiancé had the gene for Huntington’s, she would not leave him, although she would like to start preparing now for the challenges they will both encounter ahead.
Other Reddit users sympathized with both the woman and her partner.
“It’s a hard situation, but I get where OP [original poster] is coming from,” one user expressed. “You can’t just ignore these kinds of problems and hope for the best, and if he is going to ignore this problem, what else is he going to try to ignore?”
“You are realistic in wanting to know, especially if you plan on having children,” another user commented. “That being said your fiancé is struggling with learning about a very real possibility about his future. Give him a little bit of time to work this through in his mind.”
Others offered the woman suggestions on how she should deal with the situation instead of breaking off the engagement.
“I think until one is facing w a potentially debilitating disease, it’s impossible to comprehend the gravity and burden and nightmares that plague this person,” one user pointed out.
“What OP [original poster] can do is set aside a small sum monthly together, for that possibility. If the possibility doesn’t appear, both of u will have a tidy sum, take it as forced savings. If you can find it in your heart not to walk away then stay. You may be the only one to save him in this life.”
The woman followed up by thanking other Redditors for their understanding and support. She revealed that she would be going to therapy to reconsider breaking the engagement.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.