Vagina Beer Is Here And It's Just As Gross As It Sounds
Bottoms up?
taa22 / Shutterstock In today's segment of things you wished you never learned, we present to you: vagina beer. Yes, that's beer made from bacteria found inside your vagina. And, yes, we also just threw up in our mouths a little too.
In 2016, "Bottled Instinct" promised to "capture the essence of femininity," by taking lactic acid bacteria and combining it with water, malt, hops, wooden chips, and yeast to craft what they were calling a delicious brew.
And though it's made from vaginas, the product's creator, The Order of Yoni, promises no vaginal smell or taste. Thank god.
Now, The Order didn't grab some rando-vagina off the streets, mind you. According to their questionably sexist campaign video, they searched high and low for a woman who "personifies femininity, natural charm, and lure." Please try to hold your gags until the end. It gets worse.
Czech model Alexandra Brendlova was the lucky lady being used to kick start the product — which, by the way, the company had been attempting to raise $170,000 for. The search took quite a bit of time because apparently, it's hard to find the kind of woman whose "pheromones will stay with you."
As it turns out, The Order's vagina standard is pretty high. The company is making any potential models who want to use their vaginas for beer production (I'm sure there are tons) sign a contract that will penalize them for working in the adult industry because apparently, that would affect the quality of a woman's vagina bacteria. Riiiiiiiiight.
Plans for future beer included bacteria from women with specific hair colors, and if you support the campaign by donating $11,000, The Order would create an especially romantic beer made from your girlfriend's vagina. Yeah, because what we really want is for you to drink us (and maybe even play a round of vagina beer pong).
Fast forward to 2018 and the beer made its debut in Katowice, Poland — and it was even on sale.
And people had their opinions. One of the drink's first taste testers said, "People will try it out of curiosity, but I don't think it will be a regular addition on the table for beer lovers." Well, that's good to know. (Insert sarcastic eye roll.)
And the company's founder, Wojtek Mann, opened up about how the beer is actually made. As you can probably guess, this is where things get particularly icky. "Using hi-tech microbiological techniques, we isolate, examine, and prepare lactic acid bacteria from the vagina of a unique woman," Mann said.
And, surprise, surprise, Mann wasn't able to raise enough money from his campaign to fund the making of the beer (we're willing to bet that people were more grossed out than intrigued) but was instead backed by a single investor.
Mann said, "We managed to find an investor who believed in this project and supported us financially."
There you go, everyone. As long as you can find one person who believes in your dreams, then you can make them happen. Now, if you'll excuse the rest of us, we need to go find some brain bleach. Stat.
Emily Blackwood is an editor at YourTango who covers pop culture, true crime, dating, relationships, and everything in between.