Single Mom Explains The Struggle To Understand Her Toddler's Words Now That He Lives In Two Homes But Gets Told To 'Just Ask The Dad'
When will people online stop speaking their minds about other people's co-parenting situations?
TikTok A single mom recently found herself in new and unknown territory with her toddler is no facing pressure to answer to followers who have aired their opinions on her co-parenting situation.
TikToker Mada Graviet, who shares her son, Rez, with her ex, described an experience that's specific to co-parenting and, though it was just a funny encounter in the life of raising a toddler, it opened the single mom up to scrutiny about her relationship with her son's dad.
As a single mom co-parenting her son, Mada Graviet sometimes has trouble understanding what he’s asking for now that he lives in two homes.
She told a story about a recent moment of misunderstanding that she had with her son, all due to his being raised between two separate households.
She stated, “The crazy thing about co-parenting is that usually, you know what your toddler is saying, even when nobody else does. Like, he can just ramble about nothing, I’m like, ‘he said this.’ But when you co-parent, they watch different shows at different houses, and like, talk about different things. So, Rez will say things and I’m like, ‘Dude, literally what are you talking about?’”
The Linguistic Society of America explains that the acquisition of language by children happens automatically, and that “children acquire language through interaction- not only with their parents and other adults, but also with other children.”
While parents and caregivers don’t directly teach children to speak—language acquisition is an automatic process, one that occurs without formal teaching—interaction is a major component of how children learn a language. In order to learn a language, children have to be spoken to directly; solely hearing words from television or other platforms doesn’t teach a child to speak.
For parents like Graviet, who share child-rearing duties with an ex-partner, that means they can’t always monitor what words their kids are learning, or understand the new words they’ve picked up.
“Anyway, the last, like, month, he’s been saying the same thing over and over and I had no idea what he was talking about. ‘Who coos, who coos, who coos,’” Graviet imitated the phrase her son had been repeating. “I’m like, ‘bro, what are you saying?’”
It took time, patience, and a chance encounter for Graviet to make sense of the new words her son was saying.
Graviet then shared the moment when she realized what her son was saying— “Blue’s Clues. He wants to watch Blue’s Clues. I only found that out because we saw Band-aids with Blue’s Clues on them. So I put Blue’s Clues on, and he was lit!”
The camera cut away again to show Graviet kissing her son while he stood offscreen. “What you doing?” he asked. “I’m just talking to my phone,” she explained.
“He was so excited when I put Blue’s Clues on, and I was like, ‘Dude, I’m sorry I had no idea what you were talking about. I didn’t even know they made that show anymore. Scenarios like that kind of happen a lot. Or, he’ll ask about people and I’m like, ‘Bro, I don’t know who that is.’ Anyway, big win.”
In her comments however, Graviet is often pressured to answer questions about where and who her son's dad is — an intrusive question she has shut down before.
This video was no different, a follower asked Graviet in the comments, “Why don’t you just ask the other parent?” Graviet succinctly answered, “We don’t talk like that.”
Co-parenting is becoming more normalized, yet it’s valuable to keep in mind that not everyone is in a situation where they can easily communicate with the other parent.
Another follower had a useful suggestion for understanding newly acquired toddler words, offering her own experience as someone who was raised by two separate parents as an example. “I was co-parented from birth,” she said. “My parents would write in a notebook little things like that! They passed the notebook back and forth with me and it’s a special keepsake now.”
As Graviet’s son grows older, he’ll continue to create memorable moments with his parents individually, and Graviet will be there alongside him, ready to learn his world.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. As a former postpartum doula, she covers parenting issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.