Psychologist Reveals Why More Men Are Ending Up Single — And What They Can Do To Prevent It
There's an easy fix.
TikTok / Twitter On August 9, 2022, Psychology Today published an article written by Greg Matos, PsyD, ABPP, titled “The Rise of Lonely, Single Men” which lays out the reasons why many middle-aged men are finding themselves lonelier and more single than ever.
The article has become a bit of a viral sensation as people online joke about one of the key points that Matos elaborates on at the beginning.
Psychologist Greg Matos claims that more men are single now because relationship standards have increased.
Matos reveals three key points at the beginning of his article that he elaborates on in the body of the writing, and the first point addresses the reason behind the lack of dating opportunities for heterosexual men.
“Dating opportunities for heterosexual men are diminishing as relationship standards rise,” he writes, adding two other points that refer to dating apps and skill deficits.
According to a Pew Research Center survey published in 2021, the amount of US adults that are living without a partner or spouse has increased by 9% from 1990 to 2019 — Matos’s article is supposed to take a look at why that number might have increased.
With the rise of social media, technology, and the increase in the accessibility of information, the options for men and women continue to increase — except it may be a little more one-sided than expected.
“With so many options, it’s not surprising that women are increasingly selective,” Matos said. “I hear recurring dating themes from women between the ages of 25 and 45: They prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values.”
According to a GlobalWebIndex survey that was published by TIME in 2015, men make up 62% of all dating app users, causing an increase in women’s options.
“Competition in online dating is fierce, and lucky in-person chance encounters with dreamy partners are rarer than ever,” claims Matos.
With this rise in competition comes the glaring discrepancy between men and their relationship skills.
“For men, this means a relationship skills gap that, if not addressed,” Matos claims, “Will likely lead to fewer dating opportunities, less patience for poor communication skills, and longer periods of being single.”
Fortunately, instead of bashing men and focusing on the things they lack, Matos included a solution that he believes will help men “reap the benefit of the algorithms.”
“Level up your mental health game. That means getting into some individual therapy to address your skills gap,” Matos says. “It means valuing your own internal world and respecting your ideas enough to communicate them effectively. It means seeing intimacy, romance, and emotional connection as worthy of your time and effort.”
There are ways for men to come out of their holes and become the option that they want to be, all they have to do is look inside themselves to find the answer.
Matos’s article went viral on social media like TikTok and Twitter with many echoing the claims made and calling on men to improve their communication skills and their ability to make emotional connections.
However, alongside those people, are the men who feel attacked by the article and the claims, missing the point that was so clearly laid out for them.
Matos has revealed that he received a lot of hate mail because of the article, and to those men who were upset, he asked, "Why?"
His TikTok account, "@abetterloveproject," is full of relationship advice and the mental well-being that goes along with it when it comes to being in a relationship.
He expressed that all he asked of his fellow men is to be a better person.
“Why? When all I am doing is asking you to be the best version of yourself. That’s all,” he said. “All I am inviting you to do is just be the best version of yourself.”
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics. Since graduating from Rutgers University, he spends most of his free time gaming or playing Quadball. Keep up with his rants about current events on his Twitter.