Husband Thought Of Himself As The 'Main Character' In His Marriage & Let His Wife Handle Everything
This logic has had a negative impact on his family but it's not too late to fix it!
TikTok In various data studies and surveys, it has been found that in a household, the mother is the one usually picking up all of the slack and completing many of the chores and other responsibilities.
It's not that these husbands and boyfriends aren't able to help out when it's needed, but that they don't think about it. However, in a video, TikTok user J. Fisher has admitted to having to relearn and accept that he wasn't always splitting things 50/50 with his wife.
He thought of himself as the 'main character' in his marriage and wasn't helping out his wife when she needed it.
In Fisher's video, which he labeled as the beginning of a series on his TikTok page called "Chronicles of a Clueless Husband," he revealed that as he's gotten older, he's started reflecting on the imperfections he had during the early years of his marriage.
"One of the things I really try to process now as a middle-aged man is the full extent of which I really thought that I was the main character," Fisher said, providing an example of this flawed thinking during a family vacation with his wife and children.
"Early in our marriage, my partner and I, say we'd be going on a trip. My partner, at that point in time, would be doing the laundry, vacuuming the house, making sure the dishes were done." Instead of trying to help his wife with the burden of household responsibilities, Fisher admitted that he would assume that's her "wanting" to do things like that instead of "needing" to.
When it was time to get things ready, while his wife was organizing everything, Fisher would take the time to just get himself ready.
"This happened on more than one occasion. I would get a backpack or suitcase and I would get my own clothes."
"I would get two or three books that I wanted to read, and I would bring highlighters, and I think ... I'm ready. I'm ready to go on the trip." he continued. Fisher acknowledged that looking back at those times makes him feel flabbergasted that he would act like that.
He pointed out that when he and his wife finally had children, his behavior and how he viewed shared responsibilities, didn't change. "My partner would do all the work to get all of them ready, and make sure they were bathed, snacks packed, and I would get myself ready."
Fisher confessed that seeing his father be the same way influenced him to copy that behavior.
"I think, 'Oh, I saw my own father do this quite a bit, where he would take care of his own needs.' So I know I didn't learn this from nowhere," Fisher remarked. However, while being able to acknowledge where the behavior came from, Fisher realized he had to unlearn it.
Fisher continued, saying that for a long time, he felt his role and contribution to his household was to work outside of the home and earn money to bring in, and that all of the responsibilities that needed to be taken care of inside the home were a "woman's domain."
"I saw that modeled and even taught as the way it should be but is that not a partnership," he pointed out. "So, if you are a person, especially a man, and you think that division of labor is okay, you shouldn't be married."
He added that he even shouldn't have been married at that point, at least not until he unlearned all of his previous thoughts and teachings.
"And that would've made me so mad because I would've been like, 'What more do you want from me?!' Turns out, quite a lot!"
According to a survey conducted by Gallup, women are the ones doing most of the household labor in heterosexual marriages and relationships. Married or partnered heterosexual couples in the U.S. continue to divide household chores along largely traditional lines, with the woman in the relationship shouldering primary responsibility for doing the laundry (58%), cleaning the house (51%), and preparing meals (51%).
At the same time, men continue to take the lead in keeping the car in good condition (69%) and doing yardwork (59%).
These startling numbers are why men like Fisher need to realize and admit their fault in how they view the responsibilities of a wife vs. the responsibilities of a husband. The reality is, there are no set labor rules, especially in a marriage, and husbands should be helping out their wives and be 100% involved all of the time.
When fathers help divide labor with their wives in the household, it creates a more balanced, supportive, and harmonious environment for the entire family. It allows for better time management, enhanced emotional connections, positive role modeling for children, and greater gender equality within the family unit.
Nia Tipton is a Brooklyn-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.